Directed by: Geoff Meed
Starring: Jason Williams, Amy Van Horne, Devin Clark
I am nowhere near deluded enough to expect anything good from The Asylum. Ever. I get the idea of 'mockbusters' and understand that they're not meant to be cinematic masterpieces, but even I didn't think that they could produce something this terrible. I'd like to say that this is low even for their standards but then again The Asylum don’t seem to have any standards.
THE AMITYVILLE HAUNTING begins with handheld footage of a horny young couple deciding to take themselves on an unauthorized tour of the infamous Amityville house. Once inside things start to get hot and heavy before they finally meet a bloody off-camera death.
Flash forward and we meet the Benson family who have just bought the Amityville house and are beginning to move in. They’re aware of the house’s grisly past but apparently it was all they could afford. One of the removalists has a fatal accident and from then on the ‘horror’ escalates. Eventually after a few strange happenings have occurred the father gets the idea of installing video cameras around the house and the movie starts to journey deep into PARANORMAL ACTIVITY territory. One of the cameras watches on as a door mysteriously opens by itself (gasp!) and the security alarm goes off. And that’s about as scary (if you can even call that scary) as the movie gets. Almost all of the deaths happen off-camera, and at the moments when something is about to happen the video jumps or blacks out and we only get quick flashes in between.
I honestly cannot think of one aspect of this movie that wasn't crap. The writing was crap, the effects were crap, the acting was crap and all of the characters were completely unlikeable. I couldn't wait for them all to die. The film even uses that tired old trick of trying to persuade viewers that what they’re seeing is ‘real footage’. Do people even fall for that anymore? Any moron can check the IMDb page and clearly see that the characters in the film are played by actors, and incompetent ones at that.
By the time it was all over I felt relieved but also disgusted at myself for actually sitting through the entire movie. I know you always hear the phrase ‘worst movie ever’ thrown around a lot, but this has to be a strong contender. It is definitely the worst movie I've seen in a long time. In fact I'm not even going to waste any more time on this review. All you need to know is that this movie is shit. Stay away.