Horror Feast: Post Apocalyptic Trash

What better way to celebrate surviving the end of the world than to sit back and watch some post apocalyptic trash? But rather than rewatch classics like ESCAPE FROM NEW YORK or MAD MAX (both of which I fucking love) I thought I'd instead watch some of the many films which came out in the 80s in a bid to cash in on the post nuke craze.

1990: THE BRONX WARRIORS (1982)

The first film in Enzo G. Castellari's BRONX WARRIORS trilogy borrows heavily not only from the John Carpenter classic ESCAPE FROM NEW YORK, but also films like THE WARRIORS and even A CLOCKWORK ORANGE. The Bronx have been been cordoned off from the rest of society and with no law and order they have been declared a kind of no-man's land, ruled by the various gangs which inhabit the area. One of these gang's are a group of bikers led by their fearless leader Trash, and when the daughter of a large corporate president winds up in the Bronx, Trash takes it upon himself to protect her.
It's obvious the gangs are supposed to be cool and menacing in that WARRIORS style but between the ridiculous outfits, face paint and choreography they just come off as silly. A tap dancing gang? Really? However if you can look past the flaws (of which there are many) there are a few good scenes in here and this is a great film to watch and have a laugh with a few friends and a few beers. There are also a few nice additions to the cast with George Eastman (who is in a LOT of these post nuke movies) and blaxploitation legend Fred Williamson.

ESCAPE FROM THE BRONX (1983)

The year after BRONX WARRIORS was released this sequel came along with the return of director Enzo G. Castellari and a couple of the original cast members; most importantly Mark Gregory who steps back into the role of Trash. 10 years on from the events of the first film and things in the Bronx aren't looking so good.
The GC Corporation has plans to demolish and rebuild the entire area to make it nice and liveable again, but first it needs to vacate the inhabitants. Disinfestation squads are sent in to wipe everybody out to make way for demolition. But of course Trash doesn't take kindly to this idea and along with a group of underground thugs they come up with a plan to kidnap the President of the corporation.
The whole movie is action packed and full of explosions, gunshots and flame throwers. Although there is barely any gore the body count is huge and there's plenty of slow-motion bodies flying through the air. It's still cheesy and full of the things which made the first movie so terrible (and awesome) but I'd have to say that this sequel is a lot more entertaining that the original. If you liked the first movie then you'll probably appreciate this too.



THE NEW BARBARIANS (1983)

Even though these three films are referred to as the Bronx Warriors Trilogy, THE NEW BARBARIANS (aka WARRIORS OF THE WASTELAND) really isn't connected at all apart from having the same director and some returning cast members, namely Fred Williamson and George Eastman. And this time around it seems that Mr Castellari has decided to rip off George Miller's THE ROAD WARRIOR.
A group of wasteland warriors who call themselves the Templars are on a mission to exterminate all surviving humans as punishment for being born, or something. Luckily for everybody else Mad Max Scorpion and his pal Nadir have come to save the day!
Things to look out for here are the ridiculous Templar outfits with huge shoulder pads, the strange rape scene and of course the fact that everything seems to be spray painted silver to look more er... futuristic. The best thing about the whole movie? The awesome electro soundtrack from Goblin's Claudio Simonetti. The movie is worth checking out for that alone.

SHE WOLVES OF THE WASTELAND (1988)

Most post apocalyptic films are dominated by men, but SHE WOLVES (aka PHOENIX THE WARRIOR) is the exact opposite. The entire male population of Earth has been wiped out by some type of bacteriological virus and has left only small tribes of female warriors to fend for themselves in the wasteland. One tribe is led by the mystical (and fucking hideous) Reverend Mother who has discovered that a woman named Keela is pregnant with a male child. She sends her right hand woman Cobalt (Persis Khambatta from STAR TREK) to find the child so that the Reverend Mother can become all powerful and create some sort of super race. Phoenix (Halloween 4's Kathleen Kinmont) takes it upon herself to protect Keela and her child.
This is a terribly written and acted film full of cheesy scenes. On the plus side we get to see topless babes bathing underneath waterfalls and some pretty neat girl on girl fighting. Unfortunately the ending is just about as underwhelming as you could expect.



2019: AFTER THE FALL OF NEW YORK (1983)

Yet another film trying to cash in on ESCAPE FROM NEW YORK, complete with a Snake Plissken lookalike and a bunch of PLANET OF THE APES rejects. The protagonist Parsifal (yes that's really his name) is sent into the bowels of New York in search of what just may be the only fertile woman left on the planet. Success will grant him a seat on a space flight so that a new colony of humans can begin on a distant planet. George Eastman appears for the third time on this list, this time as the leader of a group of ape people.
Nobody quite makes these rip-off exploitations movies quite like the Italians did in the 80s and 2019 is a fun film with a lot of action, violence, gunfights and a nice synth score.
In all honesty the film is pretty lousy in regards to writing, acting and most other areas, but it's a nice addition to the Italian post nuke exploitation genre and has its fair share of enjoyable scenes.

Horror Feast: Zombi-O-Rama

There's nothing quite like an Italian zombie flick, and one of the best is of course Lucio Fulci's ZOMBI 2 (aka ZOMBIE, aka ZOMBIE FLESH EATERS etc etc). But while I've seen it more than a few times, it occurred to me recently that I've never had the pleasure (or perhaps displeasure) of watching any of the sequels. But last night changed all that as I sat myself down with some bourbon and snacks to treat myself to a 4-film Zombi-thon.
It's not something I plan on doing again. Ever.

ZOMBI 2 (1979)

While it definitely isn't his best film, ZOMBI 2 is probably Lucio Fulci's most well known contribution to the horror genre and basically reinvented him as a horror icon. There was controversy about the film being unofficially linked to Romero's DAWN OF THE DEAD when the opening and closing scenes were added, but nevertheless ZOMBI 2 is still a great standalone film. There's not much to the plot, it's essentially about a cursed island called Matool where the dead are rising from their graves. But since when does a zombie movie need a plot? The film showcases some quite good make-up and practical effects (well good by 1979 standards at least) and also includes two of the most badass and iconic scenes in horror; the underwater zombie vs shark fight and of course that extreme close-up shot of eyeball vs splinter. In contrast to the zombie films of Romero, this is devoid of any kind of social commentary and is basically just a straight up gory, gross-out flick. While definitely not the goriest zombie movie, it was extreme enough to make the infamous video nasties list.
Essential viewing for any fan of the zombie sub-genre.

ZOMBI 3 (1988)While Lucio Fulci is credited as its director, ZOMBI 3 was in fact only partly directed by him. After a few weeks of filming Fulci stepped back and Bruno Mattei took over. The result is a film consisting of approximately 60% footage from Fulci and the rest from Mattei (and Claudio Fragasso), and therefore does resemble Mattei's films more than Fulci's. A sequel in name only, ZOMBI 3 only resembles it's predecessor in that it has zombies in it. Its plot revolves around a top secret bacteriological military weapon known as Death One, which has been released and infected a man. Once the man is found dead his body is burned, the ashes float up into the atmosphere before spreading and falling back to earth, infecting people and animals alike. After dying, their corpses come back to life and they attack the living. This movie (as you might expect) is a huge disappointment after watching the original film. It has almost no redeeming qualities whatsoever and is really   only worth watching for the gore and to laugh at the horrible acting and even more horrible music.

ZOMBI 4: AFTER DEATH (1989)

Directed by Claudio Fragasso (who also helped direct ZOMBI 3) this movie somehow manages to be even more ridiculous and trashy than it's predecessor. It focuses on a zombie outbreak which occurs on a tropical island. A team of researchers trying to find a cure for cancer test out their serum on a young girl but to no avail. She dies and her father - a Voodoo priest - curses the researchers and the entire island by opening a gate to hell and unleashing the undead. From the terrible (yet somehow awesome) 80s electro theme song all the way to the closing credits, this movie stinks. The acting is abysmal, the English dubbing is horrible and distracting, the characters are stupid and the movie even recycles a couple of actors from ZOMBI 3. The gore and effects are decent when you take into consideration the low budget but everything else is crap. Also worth noting is that somebody thought it would be a good idea to have pornstar Jeff Stryker star in this.




ZOMBI 5: KILLING BIRDS (1988)

This movie was never supposed to be a part of ZOMBI franchise and was initially released in Italy under the title UCCELLI ASSASSINI. But when ZOMBI 4 made money (somehow) upon its US release, this was released as ZOMBI 5. I won't even try to explain the 'plot' because it is so incoherent. There's something about a guy killing his wife then being blinded by a bird, some students looking for woodpeckers and a house in the middle of a swamp. The title is extremely misleading since zombies only appear towards the end and nobody is killed by any birds. ZOMBI 5: KILLING BIRDS is by far the worst of the franchise. The acting is somehow worse than in all of the previous films, the screenplay makes absolutely no sense whatsoever and the gore and effects are cheap and nasty. The characters all wander around making the stupidest decisions possible and some scenes completely contradict others. Don't watch this movie. Ever.

AKIRA (1988) Review

Directed by: Katsuhiro Ohtomo
Starring: Mitsuo Iwata, Nozomu Sasaki, Mami Koyama

Where do I even begin? I've seen AKIRA at least ten times, probably more because it is one of my all time favorite films and the single greatest piece of anime I have ever witnessed. And as with the majority of people in the Western world, I have AKIRA to thank for really getting me interested in anime in the first place. In regards to anime this is one of the most important films ever made and introduced an entirely new audience to the Japanese animation style. In fact it's probably more popular in the Western world than in its native Japan.

AKIRA is adapted from the 2,000 page manga (which I haven't got around to reading yet) of the same name written and illustrated by Katsuhiro Ohtomo who also wrote and directed the film. It is set in futuristic Neo-Tokyo, rebuilt from the destruction of World War 3. It's a city of neon lights, technology and science inhabited by corrupt politicians, an oppressive military force, violent street gangs and anarchistic revolutionist groups. It is also a city which is tearing itself apart and as the tagline reads "Neo-Tokyo is about to E.X.P.L.O.D.E"
Shôtarô Kaneda (voiced by Mitsuo Iwata) is the leader of a biker gang made up of a group of misfits including his childhood friend Tetsuo Shima (Sasaki). After an accident Tetsuo unwittingly becomes involved in a secret experimental government project known as AKIRA. On his way to save his friend, Kaneda runs into a group of anti-government activists who are looking to infiltrate the AKIRA project and see what dark secrets the military and government are hiding. Meanwhile the testing performed on Tetsuo has unlocked immense and dangerous telekinetic abilities which he violently unleashes on the world which has oppressed him for so long. It is then up to Kaneda and friends to stop Tetsuo's destructive rampage.

As you can imagine being adapted from 2,000 pages worth of manga, AKIRA is an extremely complex and multifaceted movie, but at the same time it isn't difficult to follow. Condensing those pages down into around 2 hours of animation has most likely resulted in removing any unnecessary and unimportant elements and leaves us with the essentials. Having said that though, multiple viewings will help you pick up on things you may have missed the first time. The film spends a lot of time showing us the relationship between Kaneda and Tetsuo and although they have been friends since childhood, Tetsuo shows some obvious resentment towards his friend because he is always treating him like a child and underestimating his abilities. AKIRA deals with a whole range of emotions and themes including friendship, loyalty, betrayal, corruption, greed, anger and power. Even though this may seem like a lot to take in, the fluid storytelling does a good job of preventing any of this getting too complicated. 

Visually AKIRA is stunning, even after all these years. The night scenes in particular are incredibly rendered and the color palette is immense with around 327 different colors (in fact 50 unique colors were created specifically for this movie). The action sequences are fast paced and visually arresting, from the opening fight between rival motorbike gangs right up to the film's climax.
The soundtrack is another item on AKIRA's long list of positive points, made with a combination of traditional Japanese instruments and more modern electronics such as synthesizers. But what is unusually more effective is the use of key scenes with absolutely no sound at all, just this incredibly huge silence which seems to fit in perfectly with the theme of psychic abilities.

The biggest thing AKIRA is (unfairly in my opinion) criticized over is the seemingly gratuitous use of violence. I'm not sure whether it's specifically the violence or whether it's simply the fact that such a huge level of it has been used in an animated film. A lot of people seem to equate animation (especially anime for some reason) to mean child-friendly, which is often not the case. Be warned this is no slick Disney production, this a dark and gritty film and parents are advised to watch it before letting their children see it.

I should probably finish up now. If I haven't already persuaded you to check this out then I probably never will. AKIRA is more than just a violent animated film, it has been a huge influence on modern cinema and without it you would probably never see the likes of THE MATRIX and countless other movies. It is also full of social commentary and emotion. Some may find it difficult to watch but I say it is undoubtedly a must-see and has earned its status as an absolute classic. And I'll give you a couple of tips. If you get the chance to get this on Blu-ray, do so because it has never looked better. Also stay away from the dubbed version, the lousy English voice acting is nothing but distracting.

Horror Feast: John Carpenter-a-thon

Well since its been raining so much lately it seems that I'll be trapped inside my house by floodwater all weekend. Normally I'd be pissed off but I've got plenty of food and supplies and an assload of horror movies to watch.
On today's menu: John Carpenter.

THE FOG (1980)

Carpenter's original beats the hell out of the crappy remake of course. This is actually one of my favorite of JC's movies, even though it has practically no gore it still is a pretty creepy film. The start is a great opener too, a ghost story being told about a ship which sunk in a thick fog and how the dead sailors will come back 100 years to the very day. Of course this day happens to fall on the town of Antonio Bay's anniversary and while the townspeople are getting ready to celebrate, the fog rolls in and the bodies start to pile up. It seems that these ghouls are back for revenge for a past atrocity and a small handful of townsfolk have to figure out how to put and end to the curse. Both Jamie Lee Curtis and her mother Janet Leigh star alongside Tom Atkins and another JC favorite George 'Buck' Flower.
As I mentioned the movie doesn't rely on blood and gore but instead it relies on the creepy atmosphere created by the ominous fog and it does a great job.





PRINCE OF DARKNESS (1987)

With the death of a priest an ancient secret is revealed. A mysterious cylinder of green liquid is found in an abandoned church basement and after a team of physics students is called in to investigate, the cylinder is found to contain the essence of Satan himself. The liquid goes to work possessing the students and working toward its final goal, releasing the father of Satan; an all powerful anti-God. Can these physics graduates stop him in time? And will they survive the wrath of Alice Cooper? Cooper plays a murderous vagrant who leads some sort of homeless army. Yep. Donald Pleasance also stars as a priest. I love Donald Pleasance.
This is definitely one of Carpenter's darker films and is actually pretty original too. The special effects and makeup look good also and Jameson Parker's moustache is pretty cool too.
The only complaint I have is that when I watch a movie called PRINCE OF DARKNESS, I expect to see the FUCKING PRINCE OF DARKNESS! But alas he never appears.

VILLAGE OF THE DAMNED (1995)

George 'Buck' Flower appears once again here (why does he always play a drunk or a vagrant?) but this time his fellow cast members include Mark Hamill, Christopher Reeve and Kirstey Alley. I must confess that I've never seen the original film nor read the novel on which it's based but John Carpenter has done a pretty fine job here indeed. 

The entire town of Midwich fall asleep one day. As you can imagine a few people die while driving cars or standing over barbecues, but also upon waking 10 of the town's women find themselves mysteriously pregnant. They all give birth at the same time and they all give birth to creepy, white haired, mind reading children. The children aren't very nice either. They like to use their freaky telepathic powers to force people to hurt and kill themselves. Can the combined forces of Luke Skywalker and Superman defeat these evil children? Watch the movie and see for yourself.

VAMPIRES (1998)

I've decided that James Woods doesn't play a very convincing badass. If I wanted somebody to kill a vampire for me he's one of the last people I would think of. But here he is, leading a group of vampire slayers and working for the Catholic church. After finding a 'nest' and destroying the bloodsuckers within the team decided to have a party. Hooray! However they get ambushed by a powerful vampire named Valek who kills all but two of them. So James Woods teams up with one of the less important Baldwin brothers (Daniel I think) and a prostitute and they decide to track down this Valek before he finds an ancient artifact which will allow him to walk in the daylight and therefore be unstoppable.

Crap. I don't like this movie at all. The characters are stupid and the one-liners are lame ("How do you like your stake, bitch?")
At least the vampires aren't sparkly pussies, and there is a fair bit of gore also. One of Carpenter's less impressive films.

THEY LIVE (1988)

Roddy Piper and his majestic mullet star in this film about rich aliens corrupting and controlling the American lower class. Keith David is also here and so is George 'Buck' Flower (again) who plays a drifter (surprise!).

Nada (Piper) is down on his luck and wandering about aimlessly until one day he finds a pair of magical sunglasses which show him the world as it really is. Rich yuppie aliens are controlling humans through subliminal messages and a signal broadcast from television sets. There is probably some sort of social commentary here about the upper class feeding off the lower class, but what's more important is that we get to see Roddy Piper kicking some serious alien ass!

And watch out for the world's longest fight scene between Piper and Davis. Don't worry, you can't miss it.

MANIAC COP (1988) Review

Directed by: William Lustig

Starring: Bruce Campbell, Tom Atkins, Richard Roundtree

The MANIAC COP trilogy is in my personal opinion one of the most underrated in the horror genre. Although none of the three movies feature amazing storytelling or award-winning performances, they are truly entertaining. As is usual with trilogies, the first film is the strongest. It also has one of my all time favorite taglines.

Somebody is roaming the streets of New York City at night and violently killing innocent and unsuspecting civilians. What makes this even more frightening though is the fact that this killer is no average Joe. He's a cop!

Or at least a guy who dresses like a cop. Anyway, once this fact is made public the residents of the city go into a panic. If they can't trust the police, who can they trust?

Soon after this Detective Jack Forrest (Campbell) is accused of being this so-called 'maniac cop' after the body of his wife is found in his hotel room. As he tries to clear his name he is joined by Lt. McCrae (Atkins) and together they discover the identity of the real killer. A supposedly dead police hero named Matt Cordell. But can they prove it?

MANIAC COP is really half slasher and half police thriller. It's a good mix though and Lustig takes what he needs from each genre and splices them together seamlessly.

New York City in the 80s is a perfectly seedy backdrop to this film. It's rain-soaked streets and grimy alleyways giving the city an uneasy vibe especially in the night scenes and are the perfect location for the high-speed car chases, explosive shootouts and violence that follow.

Accompanying these fast-paced scenes is some of the best B-movie talent of the time. Bruce Campbell of course at his most popular after starring in The Evil Dead II the previous year. Tom Atkins from such films as Halloween III and The Fog, and of course Richard Roundtree the one and only 'Shaft'. All of their performances are above average, but it is a shame that Bruce doesn't get to showcase his humor.

I should also mention the fx / makeup which for the time are actually pretty good, especially on the villain's face.

Of course the movie has it's bad points too. The story isn't terrible but honestly it's pretty predictable and generic. And why exactly does this maniac cop seem to be invincible? It's never really explained, I guess it's just one of those slasher clichés. The movie is very dated too what with the 80s music, the hair, the shoulder pads etc. But even with these negative points, MANIAC COP succeeds in being a very entertaining film and  a great setup for the two movies which follow.

Horror Feast: Zombies & Nazis

Saturday was just one of those days. One of those days where I really couldn't be bothered doing anything at all. So I grabbed a six-pack and a pack of cigarettes, parked my ass on the couch and decided to just watch movies all day. I have these days every now and then, so I've decided to use them as a chance to blog and do some short mini-reviews of the movies I watch.
On today's menu: Zombies & Nazis.

RETURN OF THE LIVING DEAD (1985)

An absolute classic. I'm sure I don't need to go into the details of the plot, so I won't. I've always been a bit unsure on how I feel about this movie. My personal idea of what a zombie should be is basically what was shown in Night of the Living Dead. A mindless, shambling, reanimated corpse which acts purely on instinct. The zombies in ROTLD are very different. They are reanimated corpses but they can talk, use tools and even formulate plans. Despite these problems however, I can't help but love this movie. The awesome soundtrack provided by bands like 45 Grave, The Cramps, TSOL and The Damned. The famous naked graveyard dance. And of course the movie gave us Tarman, who is one of the most badass zombies ever. This is one of my favorite zombie movies, and if you haven't seen it then make sure you do.

ZOMBIE LAKE (1981)

Wow. Going from ROTLD to this was a bit of a shock to the system. I'd never actually seen this before and I really hope I never have to see it again. ZOMBIE LAKE is at the opposite end of the spectrum to the previous movie, and is a strong contender for worst zombie movie ever made. It's about a bunch of Nazis who's bodies were thrown into a lake after they were killed by the French resistance. They return as zombies. I think. Basically they just look like men with a bit of patchy green paint on their faces. You can easily see some of them take a deep breath before they go underwater, and all they really seem to do is bite peoples' necks and then leave the bodies lying there. No flesh eating or brain eating. And then there's the ridiculous subplot which involves one zombie reuniting with his daughter. No joke. And I have to mention the horrible acting and of course the terrible dubbing. The only good part was all of the gratuitous female nudity. Stay far away from this.

RETURN OF THE LIVING DEAD Part II (1988)

A military truck transports the 2-4-5 Trioxin barrels from the first film. They fall out of the back and one tumbles down into a river. Kids find the barrel, open it and unleash the Trioxin within.
Obviously this sequel was aimed at a teenage audience, which isn't good because it means there is a lot less gore than in the first movie. The inclusion of James Karen and Thom Matthews playing different characters than in the original film is pretty cool. They even refer to this fact, saying something along the lines of "I feel like we've been here before"
The soundtrack is pretty lousy (except for the inclusion of Anthrax) and there is no nudity. With basically the same storyline, you're better off watching the first movie. This sequel isn't too bad (better than Zombie Lake at least) but it's not great either.

OUTPOST (2008)

A guy hires a group of soldiers to escort him to a secret underground Nazi bunker. He promises that it will be an easy in-and-out job. But of course it isn't. They find the bunker, inside which are a bunch of bodies and one survivor. Before long they find themselves under attack from an unknown enemy. It turns out that the bunker houses a machine which the Nazis developed to create a race of unstoppable zombie/ghost/ghoul soldiers.
It's a good concept, but poorly executed. The inconsistencies in the enemy were terrible. At one point they can sneak in and out completely unseen, walk through locked doors and never set of a single trip wire or claymore. Then suddenly towards the end they come bumbling down to the bunker, tripping all of the wires and can't get through the locked doors. What the fuck? Apart from that it is a fairly good film and I believe there is a sequel on the way. Let's hope they address the problems from the first movie.

SHOCK WAVES (1977)

I'd never seen this before, but Peter Cushing? John Carradine? Nazi zombies? How could it possibly be bad?
A small group of vacationers are taking a boat trip around a group of islands. Suddenly out of nowhere comes a massive ship and sideswipes the small boat. They end up stranded on a reef with a damaged hull and when daylight comes they find themselves not too far out from an island. The island is inhabited by Peter Cushing who was a Nazi commander in charge of the 'Death Corps", a group of undead soldiers which can survive underwater. The undead soldiers return to the island and slowly start killing everybody off.
I was a bit disappointed. There was basically no gore, the zombies didn't look undead enough and Peter Cushing's German/British accent was terrible. It's a fun movie, but not a must-see.