BAIT 3D (2012) Review

Directed by: Kimble Rendall

Starring: Xavier Samuel, Sharni Vinson, Julian McMahon

Sharks in a supermarket. If you don't like the sound of that sentence then quite simply you aren't going to like BAIT 3D at all. But if this kind of high concept shark attack idea is what gets you wet between the thighs then you are probably going to have a very enjoyable time indeed.

Without going into the characters too much (the film doesn't bother so why should I?) I'll just lay out the basic plot. A freak tsunami hits a coastal Australian town without warning, and we watch as the flood waters rush into a supermarket (which incidentally was in the middle of a holdup) where unsuspecting shoppers are now trapped by the slowly rising water. But of course the robbery and the flood are nothing compared to what happens next. These shoppers realize that they are trapped inside the flooded supermarket with a 12 foot Great White Shark.
At the same time the underground car park is also flooded and has a few people trapped inside their cars. Their cars which seem to be completely water-tight for some strange reason.


BAIT 3D has compiled a mostly young cast made up of Aussies who have made the transition to Hollywood. Xavier Samuel (TWILIGHT), Sharni Vinsen (STEP UP), Julian McMahon (FANTASTIC FOUR), etc. Although this may help the movie in terms of gathering an international audience, it also hinders the film because half of the cast seem to spend their time slipping in between Australian and American accents which I found quite distracting. One thing which was a pleasant surprise however was the way that BAIT takes itself quite seriously. It may not make the situation seem any more realistic but it does add a different dynamic compared to your usual shark b-movie cheese-fest like TWO-HEADED SHARK ATTACK.

As much as I loved the concept of BAIT, the way it played out left a lot to be desired. Plenty of chances to create tension have been overlooked and I found the characters to be simply a bunch of annoying stereotypes, not caring about which ones lived and which ones were munched up by Mr. Shark.
And speaking of the shark, I have to mention the CGI which was used for some of the scenes and of course looks horrible. There are also shark scenes using practical effects and while they aren't that impressive they still beat the hell out of the digital shit.
Overall the practical effects were pretty good, but I did find it a little strange that so soon after the tsunami hit some of the dead bodies and body parts already seemed to be in an advanced state of decay.
And as you might expect the 3D seemed to be used simply to throw as much crap at the screen as possible.

RESIDENT EVIL: RETRIBUTION 3D (2012) Review

Directed by: Paul W.S. Anderson

Starring: Milla Jovovich, Sienna Guillory, Michelle Rodriguez

The last 10 years have given birth to 5 RESIDENT EVIL feature films (7 if you include the two animated movies) and I can only imagine that there will be more to come. I actually thought the first film was a decent effort, but then with each progressive sequel the franchise quickly became tired and it was all just more of the same. But one thing is certain with the RE films, and that's the fact that Milla Jovovich will spend almost all of her screen time kicking ass in a skin-tight outfit. I mean that's the only reason half of us go to see these films right?

Beginning with a fancy slow-motion reverse action sequence, RETRIBUTION picks up from where AFTERLIFE left us. We are then treated to an unnecessary recap of the entire freaking franchise before the reverse slo-mo action sequence we just watched plays through again, this time at full speed and the right way around. Somehow Paul W.S. Anderson has managed to turn a 30 second action sequence into a 5 minute spectacle. But anyway, back to the 'story'. Alice (Jovovich) is knocked out and wakes up to find herself in a secret Umbrella facility, her old pal Jill Valntine (Guillory) is interrogating her. Soon somebody hacks the computers and Alice is busted out of her chamber only to find herself strangely in the centre of what looks like Tokyo. Zombies attack, she kills them and so on and so forth. She meets Ada Wong who tells her that Albert Wesker is helping her escape, and she isn't in Tokyo but instead a secret underwater Umbrella facility where bioweapons tests are carried out. The facility is used to simulate cities like Moscow, New York and Tokyo. Wesker has sent a team down to help free Alice because they need her to help save mankind or something. 

In short, Alice and friends are trapped in an underground facility, and they have to escape. It's as simple as that really. There's some stuff about clones and a little girl Alice becomes attached to but those things aren't really important. Otherwise though this is just the same as the previous franchise entries, albeit a lot bigger. 

RESIDENT EVIL: RETRIBUTION could almost be called the ultimate RE film because they have tried to cram absolutely everything they could think of into it. Fight scenes across New York City, Moscow and Tokyo, zombies, Las Plagas, lickers (giant motherfucking lickers), those humongous axe-men and bullets flying all over the damn place. They've even recycled some elements from previous films, that slice-and-dice laser grid from the first movie is back, the Red Queen makes another appearance, and even characters who died are back for more. It's completely over-the-top fucking ridiculous. But is that a bad thing? Well not really, because I'm assuming most people aren't expecting Oscar winning performances or character driven storylines when they go see an RE film. When you see one you expect slow-motion, physics-defying action sequences, guns that never run out of ammo, hordes of zombies, explosions and Milla kicking serious ass.
And that's exactly what this film delivers. 

Having said that, it still isn't a great movie. Although it's probably one of the best in the franchise (and that's not really saying much) it still has plenty of flaws. Too much CGI, terrible acting (Sienna Guillory is most guilty of this), and too many added elements which really don't need to be there. It also uses the 3D to throw lots of things towards the screen, but that's about it. It's not very immersive. But as I said, this is exactly what you'd expect from one of these movies, nothing more, nothing less. And at least it's better than AFTERLIFE which is a step in the right direction. And of course the ending is just begging for yet another sequel so stay tuned for that.

UNDERWORLD: AWAKENING 3D (2012) Review

Directed by: Måns Mårlind, Björn Stein

Starring: Kate Beckinsale, Michael Ealy, India Eisley

Let’s be honest, nobody goes to see an UNDERWORLD movie expecting to see great acting or a spellbinding story do they? I know I don’t, in fact there is really only one reason I have seen any of them at all. Kate Beckinsale in skin-tight black latex is that reason. She’s also the reason I completely skipped the third film. Sure, it still had an attractive female lead clad in latex but it wasn’t Kate so it wasn’t for me. AWAKENING is the fourth film in the franchise so by now audiences should have a good idea of what to expect. Vampires, lycans, gunfights, explosions and physics-defying action scenes have been a staple of the previous films and AWAKENING is not much different.

Selene (Beckinsale) explains through narration her plan to meet up with her hybrid lover Michael so that they can escape together, but unfortunately things don't go to plan. A grenade explodes and everything turns black. Cut to the present where we see Selene frozen in a lab, but it looks as though somebody is trying to free her. After thawing out she manages to escape the Antigen laboratory where she has been trapped for 12 years. Soon she begins having visions, as though she is seeing through somebody else's eyes and so she assumes it is Michael and goes to look for him. Along the way she is pursued by both lycans and humans but soon runs into another vampire David who helps her look for Michael. But instead of finding him, they discover somebody else who has a strong connection to Selene.

The biggest difference between AWAKENING and the previous films is that the existence of vampires and lycans is now common knowledge and during the time Selene has been imprisoned, vampires and lycans have almost been wiped out. Now not only does Selene need to worry about the threat of the remaining lycans but also her human pursuers.

Just like the previous movies, AWAKENING is very visually focused. And the 3D elements are done really well. Lots of well choreographed, flashy, over the top fight scenes, heaps of muzzle flare and explosions, shattering glass etc. It's probably just to distract people from the scant plot. The movie travels at a rather quick pace and is action packed almost the whole way through. What there is regarding story is pretty weak and just seems like a way to hold the multitude of action sequences together, but then again story has never been a strong point in the UNDERWORLD films. What people want to see is Kate Beckinsale looking sexy and kicking some ass, and she does both of these things well.

407 DARK FLIGHT 3D (2012) Review

Directed by: Isara Nadee

Starring: Marsha Wattanapanich, Peter Knight, Patcharee Tubthong

DARK FLIGHT is a horror film from Thailand, something which I haven't experienced much of before. It also happens to be Thailand's first movie to be filmed in stereoscopic 3D. The question I had before viewing was "are they going to exploit the 3D label by having those cheap 'shit flying towards the screen just because it can' scenes? Or are they going to utilize the 3D to add an extra layer of depth? Well it turns out that they decided to do neither. Apart from a couple of short scenes I didn't really see any need for the 3D at all.

DARK FLIGHT follows a rather small group of people travelling on a flight out of Thailand. The group are a varied bunch and include a handful of flight attendants, a dreadlocked backpacker, a clueless girl from Hong Kong, an elderly woman with a fear of flying, a Buddhist monk, a maintenence man and a small family consisting of a bitchy mother, her submissive husband and their daughter - a girl who 'just so happens' to enjoy playing a flight simulator game on her iPad (you can already work out what's going to happen can't you?). There are a few other less important characters as well.

The flight takes off and everything is going fine until a couple of the passengers start seeing strange things. One man has a sudden EXORCIST moment and soon everybody on board realizes that shit just ain't right.

Between the ghosts, hallucinations, possessions and other strange phenomena we don't really get a clear idea of why all of this crap is happening. Then about an hour into the movie one of the flight attendants New (Wattanapanich) escorts us through a brief flashback scene which explains that she was once on a flight where the passengers went berserk and she was the only survivor. Could this be the same plane? Well of course it is! So as shit goes from bad to worse and people start dropping like flies it's up to New, Bank (Knight), Gift (Tubthong) and friends to try and save the day.

DARK FLIGHT follows a fairly simple story but it suffers from some bad pacing and it's not until more than halfway through that we get a clear sense of exactly what's going on. The characters are a bunch of clichés (a super effeminate male flight attendant etc) who spend most of their time whining or screaming or running.
Thankfully the movie at least looks good (well for the most part). The practical effects and ghost designs range from badass to average while the CGI is kind of cheap and nasty. The atmosphere is suitably dark and panicky but alas these positives were not enough to outweigh all of the negatives and so DARK FLIGHT ends up being pretty mediocre indeed.

PIRANHA 3DD (2012) Review

Directed by: John Gulager

Starring: Danielle Panabaker, Matt Bush, David Koechner

PIRANHA 3D was quite simply a bad movie but at least it was entertaining and had some semblance of plot. This sequel however is not just bad but terrible, it has the thinnest of plots and unlikeable characters.
Obviously PIRANHA 3DD is not supposed to be some high class horror movie and I understand that, but this movie was completely unnecessary and brought nothing new to the table.

In the aftermath of the Lake Victoria incident in the first film, the once hot tourist destination is now a ghost town. But at least the piranha are gone right? Well no, it seems that they're back and this time they are out to terrorise the newly opened water park The Big Wet. The Big Wet is an adult oriented water park with sleazy tag lines and lots of nude females. Even the lifeguards are strippers! Entrepreneur Chet (Koechner) has poured all of his money into creating this park and he has big plans for its opening day. Unfortunately his stepdaughter Maddy has discovered that there is a real threat that piranhas could get into the water park and create a bloodbath. Chet isn't put off by this though and so goes on with the grand opening. Obviously the piranhas enter the park and everything goes horribly wrong.

PIRANHA 3DD promises 'twice the terror, double the D's' and it certainly delivers on the latter. There are enough wet, bouncing breasts here to make any 14 year old boy jizz in his pants. When it comes to terror however, the movie is seriously lacking and the blood and death scenes are actually a step down from the previous film. Another thing PIRANHA 3DD has tried to add is humor, from Ving Rhames' shotgun prosthetic leg to David Hasselhoff's cameo. Unfortunately all of this is just cheap laughs and quite frankly I didn't find it funny at all. I also fail to see the reason for the movie being presented in 3D, other than to lure teenage boys with the promise of big breasts bouncing around in three dimensions. There were only a couple of real 3D moments and they just seemed cheap and tacked on. 

PROMETHEUS 3D (2012) Review

Directed by: Ridley Scott

Starring: Noomi Rapace, Michael Fassbender, Charlize Theron, Logan Marshall-Green

PROMETHEUS has been one of the year's most anticipated movies and I'm not quite sure where to start here. I actually poster earlier on Facebook that I was a little disappointed with the movie, but since then I've come to realize that my disappointment had more to do with myself mentally hyping up the film to an almost impossibly high standard than to do with the film's shortcomings themselves. It didn't help that I've been reporting on the film through this blog for months and months, being updated on the latest news pretty much every step of the way. Leaked trailers, set photos, promo shots, stills and TV spots, eventually it seemed that I was being bombarded with new stuff every other day. If there's one good piece of advice I can give you before seeing PROMETHEUS it's to try and avoid as much exposure as possible beforehand and go in cold, with not too many preconceptions or expectations.
Even though all of this probably makes PROMETHEUS out to be a bad film, rest assured it is most definitely not. And even though it didn't quite meet my personal expectations, it was definitely worth the wait.
I'll try to make this as spoiler-free as possible.

After a short and interesting opening sequence, PROMETHEUS kicks off on the Isle of Skye in Scotland where a team of archaeologists led by Elizabeth Shaw (Rapace) and Charlie Holloway (Marshall-Green) are conducting a dig. Ancient cave paintings dating back thousands of years are uncovered along with something else quite mysterious which has the archaeologists very excited indeed. The reason for their excitement? This discovery could help them to unlock the secrets behind mankind's origins. The film then cuts to a couple of years later aboard the spaceship PROMETHEUS which has just arrived at its as yet unknown destination after a 2 year journey. The ship's crew which includes the two archaeologists Shaw and Holloway are awakened from suspended animation and debriefed by Meredith Vickers (Theron) on just where they are and why. It's not long before they stumble across a mysterious structure and decide to venture inside.
Will they find what they came for?
Will they finally have a answer to the age-old question; why are we here?
Will they make it out alive?
The only way to find out is to go see for yourself.

The first thing you'll notice about PROMETHEUS is just how amazing it looks. Visually it is incredible from the huge grandiose sweeping landscape shots to the action sequences and everything in between. Everything looks so crisp and clear and detailed and for once (pay attention because I will probably never say this again in my life) I actually think that going 3D was the right choice. Thankfully this movie isn't full of those gimmicky made-for-3D moments where things just fly toward the screen just because they can, the 3D here just helps to make everything on screen seem more tangible and real. In fact if you have the chance I would probably recommend you go see this in IMAX 3D.

The cast do a brilliant job and yes when I say that I actually mean all of them, although the stand-outs for me were definitely Noomi Rapace, Michael Fassbender and Charlize Theron. Although some of the characters' actions may seem a little questionable (due to an equally questionable script) all of the actors play their parts convincingly. I mentioned the script being questionable and I guess what I mean is that sometimes some of the characters act very out of character and also there are a lot of plot holes, especially if you're a big ALIEN fan. And speaking of ALIEN, a lot of people will be curious as to whether this is an actual prequel or not because there was some confusion before the film's release. I won't go into it, but suffice it to say that there are plenty links to the aforementioned film and ALIEN fanboys (and girls) will have fun spotting the references. Having said that, if you're not familiar with the ALIEN franchise you can still quite easily sit down and enjoy PROMETHEUS although you will miss out on the references and links and some things may not make a whole lot of sense.

PROMETHEUS looks great and it sounds great. The casting is brilliant as too is the acting. It has a nice mix of practical effects and CGI, there are some kickass action sequences and an interesting plot. On the downside the script is not too great and you will no doubt find a lot of plot holes. I can imagine how much hardcore ALIEN fans are going to pick this film apart, but I still think that PROMETHEUS is pretty damn awesome.

THE DARKEST HOUR 3D (2011) Review

Directed by: Chris Gorak

Starring: Emile Hirsch, Olivia Thirlby, Max Minghella

Well I can't say that I actually expected this to be a good movie after watching the trailer. However the current line-up at my local theatre is so bad that THE DARKEST HOUR 3D seemed to be the best choice. It was either this or Happy Feet 2, and now I'm thinking that it probably would have been a better idea to go see the latter instead.

And before I get to the actual review there's something I need to say. I have nothing against 3D movies. If people want to watch them that's fine, as long as people like me have the option of watching them in regular old 2D. Unfortunately the local theatre didn't offer that option.

A pair of software developers arrive in Moscow to pitch their newest idea which they're convinced will make them multi-millionaires. Unfortunately they are beaten by a rival who has stolen their idea and is pitching it himself just as they walk in. So they do the only sensible thing by going to some sort of trendy nightclub to drown their sorrows. They not only run into their software stealing friend Skyler, but also a couple of attractive girls. Maybe things are starting to look up! Or not. Suddenly the nightclub is plunged into darkness and everybody finds themselves outside. There is some strange sort of Aurora Borealis type phenomenon going on in the sky and strange orange balls of energy are drifting down to the ground. Everybody stands back except for one brave (or stupid) police officer who decides to get a little closer. He is instantly vaporized. Everybody runs around in a panic, and our main characters find themselves locked inside some kind of storeroom. After a week of waiting it's finally time for them to venture outside and see just what the fuck is really going on.

There are a couple of refreshing elements to this movie, namely the location and the enemy. Rather than being a familiar location such as NYC or Los Angeles or Tokyo the choice has been made to set this in Moscow, Russia. The aliens aren't something you normally see either, mainly because you hardly get to see them at all. They are invisible for the most part except for the brief orange flashes of energy they emit and the fact that anything electrical lights up like a Christmas tree if they go near it. This actually adds another little twist to the film in the form of night travel being safer than day travel.

So the movie isn't a complete piece of shit, but as far as the good points go I really can't think of anything else. Everything else was below average or just downright terrible. The script was ridiculous, the characters were idiots, the acting was sub-par and the CGI was made-for-TV quality. And of course the 3D aspect was pointless as usual. There were one or two scenes which incorporated 3D but other than that there was just no reason for it.

Save your money and avoid THE DARKEST HOUR. You could certainly do worse, but you could definitely do a hell of a lot better. 

And don't be fooled by Timur Bekmambetov's production credit.