THE APPARITION (2012) Review

Directed by: Todd Lincoln

Starring: Ashley Greene, Sebastian Stan, Tom Felton

The promotional material for THE APPARITION featured quite an intriguing tagline ‘Once you believe you die’ which was pretty much the only thing that piqued my interest about this movie. Logically I assumed that the story would hinge on this idea of belief which could have made for an interesting scenario but instead it doesn’t appear in the film at all. Talk about bait and switch…

I watched THE APPARITION and THE POSSESSION back to back which it turns out wasn't such a great idea at all. THE POSSESSION was your usual toned down retread of THE EXORCIST, something which has been done countless times before and really doesn't need to be done again. Ever.
But as disappointing as it was, it was nothing compared to THE APPARITION.

The film opens with some old grainy Super 8 footage of a séance being performed by a group of psychics attempting to contact a former colleague of theirs. We then see the same experiment being performed in more modern times as trio of students Patrick (Felton), Ben (Stan) and Lydia (Julianna Guill) try to take a more scientific approach. This same mixture of science and the supernatural was used (unconvincingly) in THE DEVIL INSIDE and it doesn't work any better here. I'll be the first to admit I'm not very well versed in any kind of science but the way they try to explain everything here just sounds like bullshit to me.
Anyway, the experiment works. Kind of. They contact an entity and a portal is opened which promptly sucks Lydia into what we can only assume is some sort of spirit netherworld.

Fast forward to four years later and we see Ben moving into a new house with his girlfriend Kelly (Greene). Life seems to be going pretty swell and all that shit from four years earlier seems to be far from Ben’s mind. But why is he going out of his way to avoid all the emails and phone calls he keeps getting from Patrick? And why does weird shit start happening around their new house?

I'll bet you can guess how the rest of the movie turns out, and you know why? Because that’s exactly what it is; predictable. And of course when the strange occurrences start to happen they are all the same old clichés you see everywhere these days. Moving furniture, shadows, doors opening, animals acting strange etc. Apparently the filmmakers wanted to add something a little different to this affair though so they also lifted some familiar elements from other films like DARK WATER, JU-ON and THE RING.

But as weird and unexplained as all of this is, that’s all it is. At no point is there a suggestion that Ben and Kelly’s lives are in danger, it’s as if this entity just wants to fuck with their heads. It pulled Lydia into some kind of vortex at the movie’s beginning so why doesn't it just do that again?

And I won’t even go into how inane some of the character dialogue is. Suffice to say that plenty of it is overly obvious and even cringe worthy. But it’s not all negative (although most of it is) because in a similar way to THE POSSESSION the movie does create some creepy atmosphere in a few parts but nowhere near as much as it could have. Also, Ashley Greene provides some eye candy for those so inclined (she’s not really my type). Apart from that though THE APPARITION is a downright terrible film. And when it brings up the whole scientific angle towards the end – a whole lot of bullshit talk about reverse polarities and electromagnetic crap – you know that it’s just a desperate attempt on the film’s part to try and sound much more intelligent than it actually is.

Apparently 2012 wasn't such a great year for these kind of supernatural / ghost / possession type flicks and THE APPARITION is easily one of the worst. If you do want to see a decent ghost flick from last year then I recommend THE WOMAN IN BLACK but as for THE APPARITION; do yourself a favor and avoid it.

THE POSSESSION (2012) Review

Directed by: Ole Bornedal

Starring: Jeffrey Dean Morgan, Kyra Sedgwick, Natasha Calis

THE POSSESSION is yet another supernatural film using the term ‘based on true events’ which as we all know is code speak for ‘95% bullshit’. The ‘real’ story is available online to read and makes for an interesting story but that’s about all it is, because as far as I can tell there’s no real proof that anything evil or supernatural happened at all. But I digress…

Originally to be titled DIBBUK BOX, the movie is about a mysterious box bought at a yard sale (bought on eBay in the real life story) by a young girl. Unbeknownst to the girl the box houses a Dibbuk (some sort of Jewish demon spirit) and after she opens it strange shit starts to go down. Her father begins doing some investigating and eventually enrolls a Rabbi to help.

The biggest problem with this movie is that it really has no point and didn't need to be made at all. I know that may sound harsh but it’s true. There are plenty of other movies which tell the same story much better than this and just because this is based on ‘true’ events or because it has a fancy new name for a demon doesn't make it any different from just about every other possession / exorcism film out there. It has all of the key elements; a young girl, strange happenings around the house, insects, strange voices, and a climax involving a risky ritual to try and exorcise the demon. I can see that people might appreciate its Jewish angle but all that meant to me was that a Rabbi performed the exorcism instead of a priest.

THE POSSESSION is basically a generic, predictable and cliché-filled supernatural thriller with nothing noteworthy, nothing to distinguish it from all of the other similar films out there. And even worse is the fact that it’s not scary at all.

And somehow the pointlessness of this film is worse than if it had just been a terrible movie, because then at least I might have had something to laugh at. Instead THE POSSESSION is like an old story that I've heard countless times over and which has grown more stale and boring with each retelling.

After buying this mysterious box the girl begins acting strangely although nothing yet to suggest she’s being possessed. I actually found the first half of the film to be a lot better and more interesting than the second half. It contained more of the creepy, atmospheric scenes like the room full of moths. But of course eventually the interesting parts give way to more clichés and predictable sequences and soon you can already see how the film is going to end.

One good thing I can say about THE POSSESSION is that it looks good. It has some good cinematography, a creepy atmosphere in parts and the special effects looked decent. It also has some solid acting from Jeffrey Dean Morgan as the father and not too bad a performance by Natasha Calis playing the possessed girl Em.

But that’s about as far as the positives go. With nothing new or original this is a movie that never really needed to be made. It also had a lot of unresolved plot points and missed opportunities throughout the story. If you’re a hardcore fan of these possession / exorcism movies and you need to see them all then by all means go ahead. But if you’re (like me) more than a little tired of all of these disappointing supernatural flicks of late then I would recommend staying away. At least it's not as bad as some of the other similar films which came out last year (I'm looking at you THE APPARITION!) but it definitely was not great.

THE ROAD (2012) Review

Directed by: Yam Laranas

Starring: TJ Trinidad, Carmina Villaroel, Barbie Forteza

I've never before watched a Filipino movie of any kind let alone a horror film, but THE ROAD seemed like as good a place as any to start. And while it wasn't exactly what I was expecting or hoping for in terms of horror, it was still quite an entertaining and original movie that I'm glad I watched.

THE ROAD tells the story of a cold cold case concerning two missing girls, but not quite in the way that you would expect. It is actually told in three distinct parts which span across three decades from 1988 through to 2008. The first part is set in 2008 and follows two girls and a boy who take a detour down an old closed off road in order to avoid the cops. They have a run in with a driver-less car which seems to be harassing them. This ghost car then crashes and when they go to investigate they find an old burned out shell of a car which looks as though it has been there for years. Soon the children find themselves haunted by ghostly apparitions and they are sent running, but not before one of them can call their father to tell him where they are. When the father and the police turn up they find two of the children dead and the third missing.
They also find the burned out car which matches the victim of the previously mentioned cold cold case.

Part 2 is set a decade previously in 1998 and follows two girls who are the victims of said cold case. They are driving along the road (apparently before it had been closed off) when their car overheats. They ask a passing boy where they can get some water and he directs them to his house. When they arrive they are attacked and chained up inside the house.

Part 3 goes back a decade further to 1988 and is all about the teenage boy who attacks the two girls in part 2. He is obviously a lot younger and living at home with his abusive mother and spineless father. His mother forbids him to leave the house and if he misbehaves she locks him in a wardrobe. She threatens to leave the boy's father and the next day has mysteriously disappeared. The boy however is still haunted by his mother's voice.

Small segments from 2008 are interspersed through the story and by the end everything ties together quite nicely. There is somewhat of a twist at the end but it's honestly not that hard to figure out.
Dividing movies into segments before combining them all together at the end is hardly a new concept, but it is done considerably well here and each part is different enough to keep you from getting bored. Having said that, it is quite a slow burn type of film and you will have to be patient.

As a horror movie THE ROAD unfortunately isn't scary, in fact I wouldn't really consider it much of a horror film at all. It's more of a thriller / drama with some supernatural horror elements thrown in, but there are a few nice creepy moments and a little disturbing imagery as well.
Having the story broken down and spread across three decades has of course caused a fair number of plot holes but not so many to really distract or worry viewers. Unfortunately the writing and acting range from poor to average, but the cinematography and lighting are exceptional. The opening credits and accompanying music are really good at setting the right mood too.

SCARY? Unfortunately no. Some supernatural elements have been thrown in which some may find a bit creepy, but scary? Nope.

SHOCKING? Not much in the way of gore although some of the practical effects look quite good, but nothing shocking here.

SEXY? Nope.

SIDE-SPLITTING? Nope.

SO, WHAT'S THE VERDICT? A nicely crafted story, but not really as scary as it could or probably should have been. And it's definitely not as scary or disturbing as it has been marketed. Worth seeing if you're a fan of foreign films, but it's nothing ground-breaking. I still enjoyed it.

LOVELY MOLLY (2012) Review

Directed by: Eduardo Sánchez

Starring: Gretchen Lodge, Johnny Lewis, Alexandra Holden

Eduardo Sánchez's only real claim to fame is the fact that he wrote and directed THE BLAIR WITCH PROJECT. Whether this is a good thing or a bad thing I will leave for you to decide, but personally I thought  that movie was complete crap so obviously I went into LOVELY MOLLY with more than a little trepidation. 

The movie starts off with a short scene which could be called a nod to Sanchez's BLAIR WITCH PROJECT, in the form of a woman crying into a video camera about some no doubt terrible things which we will soon be witness to. After this initial scene blacks out we find our Molly (Lodge) and her husband Tim (Lewis) suddenly awaken from their slumber by the harsh wailing of their house's security alarm. The police soon arrive and do a sweep of the house only to find nothing besides the open back door, which shows no signs of forced entry. The cop offers a no-nonsense reason as to why the door may be open even though Tim is insistent that he locked it before going to bed. Crisis now averted, we are able to be introduced to our main characters. Molly and Tim have just moved into their inherited new home three months earlier after the death of Molly's father. Tim is a truck driver and so is away from home for long stretches at a time, leaving Molly all alone in the new house. During these times when she is by herself she is witness to some strange occurrences around the house which manifest themselves as voices, doors banging, footsteps and all of that kind of haunted house stuff. At the same time this is going on we are treated to some handheld camera work by an unknown person as they spy on neighbours and visit what seems to be some strange underground shrine. One day Tim comes home to find Molly sitting naked on the bed. She utters the words "He's alive" and it's from here on in that things start to get more strange and more violent.

LOVELY MOLLY is really quite a multi-layered film, but perhaps this is where its biggest problems lie. When we first realize that something is very wrong with Molly it isn't obvious exactly what is wrong. Is it really some supernatural entity? Is she being possessed? Why can't Tim see the things she sees? Are these just hallucinations brought on by her drug use? Is she just a straight up fucking nutcase? Even by the time the credits roll these are still mostly unanswered questions. I'm by no means against movies which leave you with unanswered questions, but here I felt that there were just too many and the movie answered hardly a single one.

The other big problem for me was just how bizarrely and unrealistically the characters in LOVELY MOLLY react to the things going on around them. Obviously Molly's actions can be explained away with the fact that she's crazy or possessed or whatever, but what of the others? Tim find himself violently assaulted by his wife before she runs off into the woods, shortly thereafter Molly's sister Hanna (Holden) arrives and somehow tries to rationalize Molly's behaviour and talks Tim out of calling the police. I don't know about you, but if my wife tried to bite my fucking mouth off I would be calling the cops pronto.
And when weird shit is going down in the house while Molly is home alone, why doesn't she go stay with her sister like she is asked to? And why does Tim seem content to leave her alone after finding her naked and incoherent in the bedroom? I know most horror movies are guilty of lacking logic, but really this is a bit too ridiculous.

On a positive note Gretchen Lodge does give a great performance as Molly and there is some nice camera work, but this is far from enough to outweigh the negatives of the movie. 

THE PACT (2012) Review

Directed by: Nicholas McCarthy

Starring: Caity Lotz, Casper Van Dien, Haley Hudson

You'll want to ignore the cries of 'scariest movie of the year' and all the rest because rest assured this is most definitely not a scary film. Also if you've seen the trailer then you might want to try and forget about that too, because from the way this movie has been marketed I can see a lot of people being mislead and therefore disappointed. But despite the fact (or perhaps because of it) that THE PACT doesn't play out quite how you might expect, it's actually quite an interesting film.

The film begins with two sisters - Nichole and Anna (Lotz) - having a heated phone discussion regarding their recently deceased mother's funeral. It seems that they have been estranged from their mother for quite some time and they both have conflicting feelings towards her. Anna travels to the mother's house to meet up with Nichole but by the time she arrives it seems that Nichole is missing and hasn't been seen for a couple of days.
Before long strange things begin happening around the house - weird noises, flickering lights etc - and then there is another disappearance. This time it is Anna's cousin Liz.
Anna flees the house with Nichole's daughter and heads to the police station where she meets officer Bill Creek (Van Dien). Together they try and unravel the mystery surrounding the house, and what they find is terribly surprising indeed.

THE PACT starts out as your average haunted house flick. Flickering lights, shadowy figures, items falling from shelves seemingly of their own volition and all of that standard fare. But it soon morphs into more of a mystery as it becomes apparent that there is more than meets the eye here. It is a very slow movie to begin with as we follow Anna inside the house, but thankfully as soon as some supernatural stuff starts to happen, she is smart enough to get the fuck out of that house as soon as she can. Obviously she is going to have to return to the house sooner or later, but even when she does she at least makes sure that she has a police officer with her. There are still a few of those 'why the hell would you even do that?' moments but far less than you would normally find.

I was surprised at how good the level of acting was in THE PACT, in particularly Caity Lotz's performance. This is very important because a significant chunk of the film is spent alone with her.
I did mention earlier that this isn't a scary movie, which isn't entirely correct. Some people will definitely find some frights here, but for veteran horror fans there is a whole lot of other scarier flicks out there and most will find this a bit ho-hum. THE PACT makes good use of tension but it does also throw in some sudden jump scares as well. The musical score is brilliant and adds to the creepy atmosphere. Unfortunately the same can't be said about the writing, and some of the editing is also questionable. Too many long fade to black screens are used - perhaps to fill out the running time.
It's also worth mentioning that the pact in the title seems to be strangely non-existent.

SCARY? Casual movie-goers will find some scares here but for hardened horror veterans you might want to find your frights somewhere else.

SHOCKING? Not shocking exactly, but there is at least a clever twist that you may not expect.

SEXY? Caity Lotz is definitely easy on the eye but in terms of sex, nudity etc. there is nothing.

SIDE-SPLITTING? Nope.

SO, WHAT'S THE VERDICT? Not your average supernatural ghost flick, THE PACT is a slow starter but is worth sticking it out to the end. Not essential viewing but I recommend checking it out.

V/H/S (2012) Review

Directed by: David Bruckner, Glenn McQuaid, Joe Swanberg, Ti West, Adam Wingard, Radio Silence

Starring: Calvin Reeder, Joe Swanberg, Adam Wingard

I love a good horror anthology, and it's been quite a while since I've seen one so I was pretty damn excited when I finally got a chance to check out V/H/S. With an impressive list of directors including Ti West, Adam Wingard and the collective Radio Silence, V/H/S was bound to be impressive. At least I hoped so.

V/H/S is broken up into 6 segments, 5 of which make up the bulk of the anthology while the 6th binds them all together. The list of segments is as follows:

'Amateur Night' - David Brucker
'Second Honeymoon' - Ti West

'Tuesday the 17th' - Glenn McQuaid

'The Sick Thing That Happened to Emily When She Was Younger' - Joe Swanberg

'10/31/98' - Radio Silence

All of these 5 segments feature within the 6th (Adam Wingard's 'Tape 56') as footage compiled on separate VHS tapes. Tape 56 shows a group of misfits who have been hired by an undisclosed third party, to break into a home and steal a certain VHS tape. When they arrive however they find more than they expected. A dead body, a bank of television sets and dozens of VHS tapes which they will need to sort through in order to find what they are looking for.

I won't go into each individual segment very deeply however I will say that they are quite varied in content (which is great) and as with every anthology some segments are better than others. My personal favorites were 'Amateur Night', 'The Sick Thing That Happened to Emily When She Was Younger' and '10/31/98' but as for the other two segments and even 'Tape 56' in which they are all wrapped up, I thought they were much weaker. 

'Tuesday the 17th' (as you may have guessed) pays homage to FRIDAY THE 13TH with four friends who travel to a lake where a number of murders have taken place. 

'Second Honeymoon' follows a couple on a road trip across America as they see the sights until one night they have a mysterious visitor at the door of their hotel room. 

I was particularly disappointed with the latter because Ti West did such a great job with THE HOUSE OF THE DEVIL but here he has created something which just basically seems (to me at least) pointless. The same can be said for the former segment, they both have no real meat on their bones. They just kind of happen and didn't leave me with any impression at all.

Fortunately the offerings from Bruckner, Swanberg and Radio Silence made up for the weaker segments, and I found all three of them to be original, surprising and entertaining. Overall there is a nice mix of tension, supernatural stuff, gore and creatures. Basically something for everybody.

I really liked the whole concept of V/H/S and I thought that it was a very interesting idea to put found footage inside a found footage movie. But is that too much found footage? At around 2 hours long V/H/S is made up entirely using this POV style and by the end of it I was honestly over it. If they had halved the film's length it probably would have been alright but 2 hours was just too much for me. Adding in some webcam style in Swanberg's segment almost helped to break this up but not quite. And (although it's probably already obvious) if you're not a big fan of this shaky style of filming then you definitely will not like V/H/S. The filming in 'Amateur Night' alone is some of the most wobbly, disorienting, all over the place filming I have ever seen.
I can enjoy a good found footage film if it adds to the atmosphere or the story, but 2 hours was just too much for me. Add to that the fact that the segments are a mixed bag of good and bad, and V/H/S turned out to be an above average anthology, but ultimately still a disappointment.

407 DARK FLIGHT 3D (2012) Review

Directed by: Isara Nadee

Starring: Marsha Wattanapanich, Peter Knight, Patcharee Tubthong

DARK FLIGHT is a horror film from Thailand, something which I haven't experienced much of before. It also happens to be Thailand's first movie to be filmed in stereoscopic 3D. The question I had before viewing was "are they going to exploit the 3D label by having those cheap 'shit flying towards the screen just because it can' scenes? Or are they going to utilize the 3D to add an extra layer of depth? Well it turns out that they decided to do neither. Apart from a couple of short scenes I didn't really see any need for the 3D at all.

DARK FLIGHT follows a rather small group of people travelling on a flight out of Thailand. The group are a varied bunch and include a handful of flight attendants, a dreadlocked backpacker, a clueless girl from Hong Kong, an elderly woman with a fear of flying, a Buddhist monk, a maintenence man and a small family consisting of a bitchy mother, her submissive husband and their daughter - a girl who 'just so happens' to enjoy playing a flight simulator game on her iPad (you can already work out what's going to happen can't you?). There are a few other less important characters as well.

The flight takes off and everything is going fine until a couple of the passengers start seeing strange things. One man has a sudden EXORCIST moment and soon everybody on board realizes that shit just ain't right.

Between the ghosts, hallucinations, possessions and other strange phenomena we don't really get a clear idea of why all of this crap is happening. Then about an hour into the movie one of the flight attendants New (Wattanapanich) escorts us through a brief flashback scene which explains that she was once on a flight where the passengers went berserk and she was the only survivor. Could this be the same plane? Well of course it is! So as shit goes from bad to worse and people start dropping like flies it's up to New, Bank (Knight), Gift (Tubthong) and friends to try and save the day.

DARK FLIGHT follows a fairly simple story but it suffers from some bad pacing and it's not until more than halfway through that we get a clear sense of exactly what's going on. The characters are a bunch of clichés (a super effeminate male flight attendant etc) who spend most of their time whining or screaming or running.
Thankfully the movie at least looks good (well for the most part). The practical effects and ghost designs range from badass to average while the CGI is kind of cheap and nasty. The atmosphere is suitably dark and panicky but alas these positives were not enough to outweigh all of the negatives and so DARK FLIGHT ends up being pretty mediocre indeed.

OUTPOST: BLACK SUN (2012) Review

Directed by: Steve Barker

Starring: Catherine Steadman, Richard Coyle, Clive Russell

I was more than a little disappointed with the first OUTPOST, mainly due to a lot of inconsistencies regarding the Nazi ghost/zombie/super soldiers. I was hoping these problems would be addressed in this sequel but unfortunately they weren't.

Helena (Steadman) is a Nazi hunter to put it simply. She has made it her duty to track down and kill elderly Nazi war criminals who have run and hidden under assumed names. While on a mission to track down a particularly elusive target named Klausener she becomes caught up in a much larger situation. She runs into an acquaintance named Wallace (Coyle) who is looking for a machine built by Klausener. If you've seen the first film then you'll know exactly which machine I'm talking about. If you haven't however then all you need to know is that this machine has the power to create an unstoppable army of Nazi supersoldiers. In other words it's not a very nice machine. Helena and Wallace travel to a bunker where the machine is supposed to be located and run into a group of soldiers who coincidentally are also looking for said machine. Soon they find themselves under attack from these Nazi supersoldiers and desperately need to find the machine and put a stop to it once and for all.

As I mentioned, my biggest gripe with the original OUTPOST was the inconsistencies regarding the enemies. At the beginning they were super stealthy and could teleport through locked doors etc. Then they started for some reason to get really sloppy, setting off tripwires etc. In this sequel I actually found them to be even worse. Instead of being the silent supersoldiers they started off as, they now shamble around making the cliche zombie noises and they don't really try to be stealthy at all. Also they seem to be much easier to kill in this sequel.

On a much more pleasant note, the movie at least does a good job of creating a nice dark, unsettling and claustrophobic atmosphere within the underground bunker. The acting is decent as well but when it comes to the writing I was once again disappointed. It seems that there are too many sub-plots which are merely mentioned and never followed up on. It's as though they tried to cram too much into the movie instead of just focusing on what's important. The tension which the first film had has not been successfully carried over into this sequel and there were only really a few exciting moments. If you loved the original then this is worth a watch but don't expect too much from it.

APARTMENT 143 (2012) Review

Directed by: Carles Torrens

Starring: Kai Lennox, Michael O'Keefe, Rick Gonzalez

By now I'm really starting to get fed up with all of the disappointing found footage/POV horror flicks which seem to be released every other week. After noticing that all of the reviews on its IMDb page were positive however, I decided that I would give APARTMENT 143 the benefit of the doubt. Hopefully this is the last time  I make that mistake.

As most found footage films this one starts off suddenly without any opening credits or titles. A handheld camera helps to introduce a trio of paranormal investigators in a van on their way to an apparently haunted apartment. When they arrive they talk to the three inhabitants, father Alan (Lennox) and his son and daughter. They are told that strange occurrences have been happening in the apartment and  actually started to happen in the house the three lived in before they moved to said apartment. Alan talks about his late wife who was killed in a car accident and his young son tells the investigators that he has actually spoken to his dead mother. The trio set up their fancy equipment and settle in to wait for some strange happenings. We are then treated to (or maybe subjected to) pretty much every cliché you've ever seen in a paranormal flick. Doors slam closed on their own, lights flicker, items fly around the rooms, bed sheets are tugged at by invisible hands, ghostly figures appear in the background of photographs and so on.

Most of these events are captured and followed through the use of mounted cameras in a very PARANORMAL ACTIVITY style display. This footage is supplemented with shaky handheld camera footage and a soundtrack of the usual creaks, groans, screams and loud noises.

The investigators are accompanied by all manner of hi-tech equipment (one machine is even pixelated as though it's top secret or illegal), the functions of which are explained by very thin and vague descriptions that don't really explain much at all. 

The actors seem to do a good enough job but the characters are all completely unlikeable. The father is a spineless wimp, his daughter is a little bitch and the investigators grill the poor man like he's committed some kind of crime. I spent half the movie hoping they would just die already.

The movie takes it's time developing the characters but I felt that it delved a little too deeply into the relationship between father and daughter. These paranormal investigators (laughably calling themselves 'scientists') seem to think that they're counsellors or psychologists.

By the time the credits showed up I felt like I had just watched another tired PA rehash that brought absolutely nothing new to the table. It relied too heavily on cheap jump-scares and clichés and ended up being a below average ghost flick. I recommend you give this one a miss.

THE AMITYVILLE HAUNTING (2011) Review

Directed by: Geoff Meed

Starring: Jason Williams, Amy Van Horne, Devin Clark

I am nowhere near deluded enough to expect anything good from The Asylum. Ever. I get the idea of 'mockbusters' and understand that they're not meant to be cinematic masterpieces, but even I didn't think that they could produce something this terrible. I'd like to say that this is low even for their standards but then again The Asylum don’t seem to have any standards. 

THE AMITYVILLE HAUNTING begins with handheld footage of a horny young couple deciding to take themselves on an unauthorized tour of the infamous Amityville house. Once inside things start to get hot and heavy before they finally meet a bloody off-camera death.

Flash forward and we meet the Benson family who have just bought the Amityville house and are beginning to move in. They’re aware of the house’s grisly past but apparently it was all they could afford. One of the removalists has a fatal accident and from then on the ‘horror’ escalates. Eventually after a few strange happenings have occurred the father gets the idea of installing video cameras around the house and the movie starts to journey deep into PARANORMAL ACTIVITY territory. One of the cameras watches on as a door mysteriously opens by itself (gasp!) and the security alarm goes off. And that’s about as scary (if you can even call that scary) as the movie gets. Almost all of the deaths happen off-camera, and at the moments when something is about to happen the video jumps or blacks out and we only get quick flashes in between.

I honestly cannot think of one aspect of this movie that wasn't crap. The writing was crap, the effects were crap, the acting was crap and all of the characters were completely unlikeable. I couldn't wait for them all to die. The film even uses that tired old trick of trying to persuade viewers that what they’re seeing is ‘real footage’. Do people even fall for that anymore? Any moron can check the IMDb page and clearly see that the characters in the film are played by actors, and incompetent ones at that.

By the time it was all over I felt relieved but also disgusted at myself for actually sitting through the entire movie. I know you always hear the phrase ‘worst movie ever’ thrown around a lot, but this has to be a strong contender. It is definitely the worst movie I've seen in a long time. In fact I'm not even going to waste any more time on this review. All you need to know is that this movie is shit. Stay away.

? (QUESTION MARK) (2012) Review

Directed by: Yash Dave, Allison Patel

Starring: Yaman Chatwal, Varun Thakur, Manvi Gagru, Sonam Mukherjee

Another found footage horror film? I have to say that I am actually beginning to get as tired of them as I have become of zombie movies. On the other hand though this is a found footage horror film from India, and as I've never ever seen an Indian horror movie in my life I thought I'd give this one the benefit of the doubt and see what kind of fresh ideas it can bring to the table. I was also intrigued by the enigmatic title which is simply the question mark symbol.

The plot is extremely simple and generic. Basically a group of students arranged a trip to an isolated cabin in the mountains where they planned to make a film as part of a college project. After they arrived some crazy shit started to happen for no apparent reason and the only evidence recovered was this footage found on a video camera. That's really all there is to it.

I mentioned earlier that I wanted to see what fresh ideas the filmmakers could bring to the table. The answer to that is absolutely nothing. ? is pretty much a mashup of THE BLAIR WITCH PROJECT and PARANORMAL ACTIVITY along with a whole array of other found footage films. It doesn't have an original bone in its body. There is (of course) plenty of shaky camera work and plenty of night vision footage, furniture being moved, people being dragged off by some unseen force and lots of screaming, yelling and crying.
There is no explanation as to why all of this is happening. Sometimes the no explanation angle works in horror movies, but not here. Is the cabin haunted? If so, why? Was it built on an ancient Indian burial ground?
There are so many unanswered questions. Maybe that's why they decided to title the film ?

To make things worse, almost every cliche imaginable is crammed in here. A long drive to an isolated cabin in the woods, ghost stories over a campfire, young people getting drunk, people crying with their face right up in the camera lens, I could go on. And of course the whole movie is crafted in a way to try and convince the audience that the footage is real. There are no credits at the end, the movie just ends abruptly and instead of "Directed by..." we get a lame "Footage compiled by..." Does that kind of crap actually work anymore? Do the filmmakers actually think that their audience could be that stupid?

This movie has almost no redeeming qualities whatsoever. In fact the only positive thing I can say is that the acting was decent and for the most part realistic. But that is nowhere near enough to make up for everything else which sucked. I feel extremely grateful that I caught the Youtube premiere of ? so I didn't waste any of my money on it.