BLOODLUST ZOMBIES (2011) Review

Directed by: Dan Lantz

Starring: Alexis Texas, Janice Marie, Adam Danoff

Adult star Alexis Texas gets top billing in this low budget zombie / infected flick about a virus which gets unleashed in a research facility. But is the name of a pornstar (I will refer to her as such from now on. Fuck that adult film star bullshit, she's a fucking pornstar!) really enough to lure people in to see a flick which would have otherwise completely passed them by? Well it was good enough for me. Hey, don't judge me. One of last year's best films EXCISION featured a fantastic performance by ex-pornstar Traci Lords which proves it is possible to successfully make the transition from porn to mainstream cinema. It's just very, very rare. In this case it didn't work. At all.

As mentioned previously this film takes place in a research facility. It's after hours and the team are celebrating after successful trials of some mysterious virus concocted for military use. A mishap in the lab releases the virus and the whole building is put under lockdown. The people trapped inside need to stay alive until help arrives. The only problem is that nobody is coming and the building is rapidly filling with 28 DAYS LATER style Rage victims.

Ok so let's get the obvious out of the way first. Alexis Texas can't act. She may do a good job of shaking her ass and taking a cock in any one of her orifices but she can't act for shit. Fortunately she does briefly get her tits out but it's not really enough to justify having a pornstar in the movie. Plus everybody knows that her ass is her best feature, so why focus on the tits? Who knows?
During the majority of the film when she is clothed she runs around stumbling over her dialogue and generally just being an irritating bitch. Also she has the most annoying scream ever.

Fortunately for Alexis (but not for us) the rest of the cast is not much better and not only is the acting terrible but so are the characters and all of the dialogue. Darren (Danoff) is an overly douchey douchebag who's one soul purpose in the film seems to be making immature jokes and just being an all around prick. But it's not even his character that is the problem, after all we've all seen these douchebag asshole characters played perfectly well before. Think Stifler from AMERICAN PIE or even Biff from BACK TO THE FUTURE. Darren is just a dick.
The security officer (played by director Dan Lantz) is a stereotypical lazy lump who sits on his ass reading manuals. The temp Libby seems to have no place in the story at all. Why is her foot broken? Why is she even there after hours if she's just a temp? Why is she carrying a gun around? Most of the characters are more like caricatures.

So now lets get to the gore, after all this is a zombie film right? Well yes and no. It's not really a zombie film (one character even explains why they're not zombies) but there is a lot of blood and fortunately it's almost entirely practical. Unfortunately it looks fake as fuck. And there are way too many neck bites and head shots (how about some variety?). Along with Alexis' breasts there are another two pairs we get to see briefly although they do belong to some unsexy infected freaks.

In all honesty I can sadly see a market for this type of film, but I hope that it is mostly people who just want to get drunk and have a laugh. If you came for Alexis you will be severely disappointed and the same goes if you were looking for some neat gore, suspense or scares. Avoid it like the plague. I give this two stars, one for each of Alexis Texas' tits.

MANIAC (2011) Short Film Review

Directed by: Shia LaBeouf

Starring: Chris Palko, Kid Cudi

I'd heard that Shia LaBeouf had written and directed a few short films but it wasn't until this week that I actually managed to check one of them out. Seeing as MANIAC is about serial killers I thought it would be a good place to start.

MANIAC is a short mockumentary film in which a camera crew follow the exploits of a pair of serial killers as they try to reach their goal of 8 murders each. If that sounds familiar then perhaps you've seen MAN BITES DOG from 1992 which took a similar path although it explored a lot more themes and ended up being a fairly multifaceted black comedy. MANIAC seems to be more of an exercise in style over substance however and although I know you can only fit so much into a 10 minute short I would have preferred if there were a little more here storywise. But then the story isn't really important because as far as I know this short film is just a platform to showcase Kid Cudi and Chris Palko's collaboration on the track Maniac, or something like that. I'm not too familiar with either artist but that's what I understand anyway.

But aside from the wafer thin plot there is plenty to enjoy about this short because visually and technically it is really quite good. Black & white is used effectively as is the color grading and there are a lot of nice shots including the slow opening tracking shot. Even the action shots are followed fairly well and the soundtrack fits the film quite nicely. I did have an issue with the use of CGI blood at one point and there is a fairly questionable scene involving a molotov cocktail that doesn't seem to act like a molotov cocktail really should, but apart from that there are far worse ways to spend 10 minutes of your life.

If you're a fan of Shia, Kid Cudi or Cage then you should probably check this out, and even if you're simply a fan of short film there is enough going on here to hold your attention for the full running time. Even though there's barely a plot and obviously a lot borrowed from MAN BITES DOG, I found this to be an enjoyable short film and if nothing else it looks great. And you can find the full film on Youtube (or below).

Horror Feast: Sushi Typhoon

For those who don't know, Sushi Typhoon is a Japanese production company specializing in low budget horror, sci-fi & fantasy films. A collective consisting of directors Takashi Miike (ICHI THE KILLER), Yoshihiro Nishimura (TOKYO GORE POLICE), Sion Sono (SUICIDE CLUB), Noboru Iguchi (THE MACHINE GIRL), Tak Sakaguchi (YOROI: SAMURAI ZOMBIE), Yudai Yamaguchi (BATTLEFIELD BASEBALL) and Seiji Chiba (EVIL NINJA).
If you've seen any of the movies I've just mentioned then you should have a pretty good idea of what you're in for when it comes to a Sushi Typhoon release. For those who haven't, well buckets of blood, absurd amounts of violence and cheap digital effects are the order of the day.
So without further ado, let's get into this shit.

DEADBALL (2011)

As a young child, Jubei discovers the insanely powerful force of his pitching arm when he unwittingly destroys his father's head with a baseball. Needless to say he vows never to play ball again. Cut to a few years later and Jubei is a vigilante, visiting violence upon evil-doers. He is caught and sent to a prison for juveniles which is run by a Nazi headmistress who encourages him to join the prison ball team. But their first match against the ridiculously hot and brutal Saint Black Dahlia girls reveals that this is no ordinary baseball game. Blood is what the spectators have come to see.
Exploding heads, elbow-deep cavity searches, vomit eating, Nazis and robots, this movie has it all. And the lead character Jubei (played to perfection by Tak Sakaguchi) is so awesomely cool that he can pluck lit cigarettes out of thin air any time he wants.
Sure the acting isn't great, the story either, and the special effects are cheesy as fuck, but all in all DEADBALL is a explosively fun movie with plenty of gore and humor and is very entertaining.

YAKUZA WEAPON (2011)

Tak Sakaguchi once more takes centre stage but rather than being a juvenile delinquent with a killer pitching arm, here he plays Shozo the unstoppable Yakuza killing machine. Just like Jubei in DEADBALL, Shozo is almost impossibly cool. Like so cool that he can scare landmines just by glaring at them, or catch RPGs with his bare hands, or stand in the middle of a jungle firefight smoking a cigarette while bullets go whizzing past his head. That cool.
Shozo returns to Japan after 4 years abroad to avenge the death of his father who was a big time Yakuza boss. Upon returning to his family's former headquarters he learns that his father was betrayed. Violence and action ensue. But it's not until he gets a cyborg makeover that things get really exciting. A mixture of ROBOCOP & MACHINE GIRL & that special something that only the Japanese seem to possess, YAKUZA WEAPON is over the top, non-stop action with a huge body count.

HELLDRIVER (2011)

DEADBALL and YAKUZA WEAPON may have been totally bizarre but Yoshihiro Nishimura's HELLDRIVER is on a whole other level. A meteorite has crashed in Japan, releasing a cloud of toxic ash which turns people into bloodthirsty zombies (not technically zombies but whatever). Young girl Kika leads a group charged with tracking down and killing the zombie queen - who just so happens to be her crazy, homicidal mother.
Kika carries with her a chainsaw/katana hybrid; a chainsword (not sure if that's what it's called but it's definitely what it should be called). Needless to say chainsword + zombies = lots of blood and limbs flying all over the place. Other things you will see in this strange fucking movie include a car made out of zombies (seriously), lots of exploding heads, flesh eating, and of course gallons and gallons of the red stuff. What more could you ask for?

MUTANT GIRLS SQUAD (2010)

Tak Sakaguchi, Yoshihiro Nishimura and Noboru Iguchi work together to bring forth the ridiculous insanity that is MUTANT GIRLS SQUAD. It follows young schoolgirl Rin, who on her 16th birthday discovers that she is the descendant of an ancient race of mutants known as Hilko. She sees her parents killed in front of her and is rescued and recruited by a group of Hilko who train her so that she can understand her full powers. After being sent on her first mission, Rin finds herself unable to kill innocent humans and so confronts the other Hilko. Basically this is a bloody, gory riff on the X-Men, full of lowbrow humor, cheap effects and sexy mutant schoolgirls. Their 'super powers' range from claws and tentacle arms right through to titty-swords and ass-chainsaws. And the blood, oh the blood. There is tons of the stuff. It's everywhere, raining down, splattering the camera, shooting out of limbless stumps. So much blood.

HELLACIOUS ACRES: THE CASE OF JOHN GLASS (2011) Review

Directed by: Pat Tremblay

Starring: Navin Pratap, Jamie Abrams, Paula Davis

So far most of the Bloody Disgusting Selects films have been pretty decent and so far they have been a bit of a mixed bag. However, HELLACIOUS ACRES is by far the most bizarre release to date. It’s a low-budget (VERY low budget), post-apocalyptic tale which centers around John Glass as he embarks on a mission to fix the Earth’s ruined atmosphere. It involves a lot of walking and a lot of talking and not much else.

John Glass awakens from a long, deep slumber and finds himself in a world which has gone through not only a third world war but also an alien invasion. Consequently the atmosphere is not breathable but luckily John has a special fully-enclosed Power Ranger outfit which allows him to get around just fine. After getting the low-down from the computer-voice in his suit, John discovers that he has been awakened so that he can located certain installations to find codes which will help clear up the atmosphere. He barely remembers anything about his past and has no idea why he has been chosen but nonetheless he puts on his walking shoes and gets going. What follows is a lot (and I mean a LOT) of talking and explaining as he consults his super-suit about how to eat without taking off his suit and other mundane things like that. Along the way he meets other people both hostile and friendly and suffers from an unfortunate run of bad luck all to the soundtrack of some kind of amateur sludge metal. He is pursued by aliens and armed lunatics and it seems that anything that can go wrong does go wrong.

Even though John seems to have a bad case of terrible luck I found it pretty hard to feel sorry for him. I think it’s because he seems to complain about absolutely everything, in fact that’s one of the things that really got on my nerves with this movie. The other thing was the seemingly huge amount of time where nothing happens. And in fact by the time the credits rolled I still felt like nothing important had happened during the whole film. The running time of around an hour and 40 minutes could have been reduced quite a bit to make this a more smooth film but as it is there are a lot of times where it just drags.

And the entire film is shot with this grainy, washed out look which I assume is meant to add to the atmosphere but was probably chosen to help cover the low quality of everything. It's nice that the filmmakers have tried something different but in the end I don't think it quite worked out.

THE AMITYVILLE HAUNTING (2011) Review

Directed by: Geoff Meed

Starring: Jason Williams, Amy Van Horne, Devin Clark

I am nowhere near deluded enough to expect anything good from The Asylum. Ever. I get the idea of 'mockbusters' and understand that they're not meant to be cinematic masterpieces, but even I didn't think that they could produce something this terrible. I'd like to say that this is low even for their standards but then again The Asylum don’t seem to have any standards. 

THE AMITYVILLE HAUNTING begins with handheld footage of a horny young couple deciding to take themselves on an unauthorized tour of the infamous Amityville house. Once inside things start to get hot and heavy before they finally meet a bloody off-camera death.

Flash forward and we meet the Benson family who have just bought the Amityville house and are beginning to move in. They’re aware of the house’s grisly past but apparently it was all they could afford. One of the removalists has a fatal accident and from then on the ‘horror’ escalates. Eventually after a few strange happenings have occurred the father gets the idea of installing video cameras around the house and the movie starts to journey deep into PARANORMAL ACTIVITY territory. One of the cameras watches on as a door mysteriously opens by itself (gasp!) and the security alarm goes off. And that’s about as scary (if you can even call that scary) as the movie gets. Almost all of the deaths happen off-camera, and at the moments when something is about to happen the video jumps or blacks out and we only get quick flashes in between.

I honestly cannot think of one aspect of this movie that wasn't crap. The writing was crap, the effects were crap, the acting was crap and all of the characters were completely unlikeable. I couldn't wait for them all to die. The film even uses that tired old trick of trying to persuade viewers that what they’re seeing is ‘real footage’. Do people even fall for that anymore? Any moron can check the IMDb page and clearly see that the characters in the film are played by actors, and incompetent ones at that.

By the time it was all over I felt relieved but also disgusted at myself for actually sitting through the entire movie. I know you always hear the phrase ‘worst movie ever’ thrown around a lot, but this has to be a strong contender. It is definitely the worst movie I've seen in a long time. In fact I'm not even going to waste any more time on this review. All you need to know is that this movie is shit. Stay away.

URBAN EXPLORER (2011) Review

Directed by:Andy Fetscher

Starring: Nathalie Kelley, Nick Eversman, Klaus Stiglmeier

Urban Exploration seems to me like the perfect subject for a horror film. The whole point of it is to venture into dark, isolated, out of the way places where few people ever go. I'm actually a little surprised that I've never seen a horror film using this theme until now. Taking this subject ensures some perfect horror ingredients, darkness, claustrophobia, disorientation and the unknown. But is that enough to create a good, solid horror movie?

Denis (Eversman) and his girlfriend Lucia (Kelley) have organized a little subterranean tour of Berlin's mysterious underground. They meet up with another two explorers Marie and Juna and their German guide Kris who leads them through a nightclub and then deep down underground. Their destination is an old walled-off Nazi bunker, and the trip should take them about two hours there and another two hours back. Simple right? However the trip is anything but uneventful and they soon find themselves fighting for their lives as a subterranean psychopath stalks them relentlessly. Will they ever see daylight again?

The movie starts off rather slowly, the characters all meeting each other at a designated spot before being led underground by their guide. When they finally find themselves deep down in the darkness Kris leads them on, pointing out features as they go. Although the going is rather slow, this gives the film a great chance to set the mood and show off some great shots of the surroundings. The underground location is actually one of my favorite parts of the movie. The low light, torch beams, rubbish strewn everywhere, water dripping down long tunnels all come together to create a somehow beautiful experience but at the same time you also have a feeling of impending doom. I will admit however that some of these huge caverns look like they might just be factories or warehouses filmed late at night, they just seem a little too big and intricate and they seem to vary quite a bit.

So visually the film is excellent, but what about the rest? Well I thought the characters were quite well written and I think that it was a smart move to make them (apart from Denis and Lucia) people who have all just met for the first time. It's a good way to make sure that relationships don't get in the way too much. Surprisingly for the most part they don't make too many stupid decisions either, although the movie does have it's fair share such as Marie deciding to point her camera right at Kris's face and take a flash photo while he is trying to navigate a narrow beam across a dangerously deep shaft. 

I thought the killer was really well written and cast too and he actually reminded me a lot of the Aussie madman Mick Taylor from WOLF CREEK. In fact the whole movie (apart from the setting) was reminiscent of that film. Not that that's a bad thing.

I should also mention the effects too, which seemed to be all practical and by the end there is quite a bit of gore and blood without going over the top.

Storywise it's pretty simple and there aren't a whole lot of needless subplots to get in the way. The pacing was a bit inconsistent in areas though, and this 90 minute movie seemed to me a lot longer because of it. I also had a bit of a problem with the ending. There was a point where I thought it could have ended, but it didn't. It dragged on for a little longer and I really thought the last few scenes could have been left out. Also there were a few scenes which seemed a little unbelievable or illogical. But apart from those few problems I actually enjoyed URBAN EXPLORER and I recommend it to anybody who hasn't yet seen it.

HOUSE CALL (2011) Short Film Review

Directed by: Erik L. Wilson

Starring: Aimee Bello, Michael Jordan, Brad Egger, Janet Gawrys

Once again I found myself watching a horror short, and once again I have been thoroughly impressed. Erik L. Wilson's HOUSE CALL is a great supernatural revenge thriller which is heading to festivals including Chicago Fear Fest, so keep an eye out for it.

Janice (Bello) has committed an unthinkable act, murdering her abusive e-boyfriend in order to begin a new life with her boyfriend Steve (Jordan). But on the night of their one year anniversary, a touch of black magic unleashes the murderous spirit upon the couple to exact revenge.

As a premise it doesn't get much simpler than that, but at around 17 minutes HOUSE CALL has no need for an in depth plot. Although even with the 17 minute running time, Erik Wilson manages to get some good character development and a bit of a slow burn going which cranks up the tension and creates a genuinely creepy atmosphere. 

HOUSE CALL is visually stunning and not only because it was shot with the Red One camera, it also has some great practical effects and even the CGI didn't look to bad for the most part. The actors do a great job too, especially Michael Jordan in the latter part of the film and writing and editing were both spot on. If I have one criticism it is that I didn't really feel any empathy for the characters, and as a result didn't care whether any of them lived or died. But apart from that HOUSE CALL is a solid supernatural revenge flick with great visuals and an eerie atmosphere, and is well worth checking out if you get the chance.

DATE NIGHT (2011) Short Film Review

Directed by: Joops Fragale

Starring: Erin Nicole Cline, David Fuit

Recently I was contacted by writer / director Joops Fragale from 386Films to watch and review his latest short film DATE NIGHT as well as another short titled SIMONE. With this particular film being "conceived and shot  within a small window on a pizza and beer budget" I wasn't sure what to expect so I just decided to dive straight in.

I have to say that every short film I've seen recently has left me more than a little impressed. It's amazing what can be accomplished in a small running time (in this case about 15 minutes) on a micro budget with a small cast (only two characters here). Short films like Fatal Pictures' FAMILIAR have held my attention and entertained me for their entire duration and DATE NIGHT is no exception.

Erin Cline's character (only know as She) is having a phone conversation with a friend who is trying to lure her out to try and meet 'Mr Right'. She declines the invitation however and opts to spend her night alone on the couch watching TV. During a trip to the kitchen to cook up some popcorn She turns around to find a mysterious man in the room with her. Obviously she is confused and frightened. What confused me however is how quickly She is calmed by this mysterious stranger as he spouts every corny romantic line you could think of.
"You complete me"
"You make me want to be a better man"
"You are so beautiful"
And every other cornball line from countless Hollywood romance movies. Even though He (Fuit) delivers these lines in a very synthetic (and creepy) manner, She is obviously swept off her feet. She runs off to the bathroom to pretty herself up for a night with the man of her dreams. But is he really?

You've probably guessed by now that this isn't exactly a horror film, but it is a little creepy and drenched in dark humor with a very weird and surreal vibe. The performance from Cline is fantastic, delivering her lines believably and managing to make the situation seem normal when it is obviously not. Fuit also does a great job at giving his lines in a purposely artificial manner. Visually the film looks great especially when you take into account the tiny budget, and the sound and editing are equally impressive.
DATE NIGHT is a brilliantly conceived and executed short film and is well worth watching. If you would like to see it you can do so right here.

FAMILIAR (2011) Short Film Review

Directed by: Richard Powell

Starring: Robert Nolan, Astrida Auza, Cathryn Hostick

I've been hearing such good things about Fatal Pictures' FAMILIAR, and when producer Zach Green recently offered me a chance to watch and review it I ended up watching it twice in succession. It's that good.

John Dodd (Nolan) is a middle-aged man with a wife and a daughter. Although his wife (Auza) and daughter (Hostick) seem to be fairly nice, normal people, John feels a deep resentment and perhaps even hatred towards them. He sees them as something which is holding him back and he daydreams about the day his 'parasitic' daughter goes off to college. He even exclaims that "after 45 years of existence my life is about to begin"
But his plans are crushed when his wife reveals that she is pregnant. John can't stand the thought of this getting in the way of his scheme so he decides something drastic has to be done about it. As the film progresses we get the feeling that perhaps these angry and violent thoughts aren't actually John's own. Finally it all culminates in a surprisingly bloody and gory ending.

I was captivated for the entire 23 minutes of this short film. The main reason was because of Robert Nolan and the way his calm yet violent inner monologue narrates the scenes in front of us.  And his facial expressions are brilliant, particularly the way you can see him trying to conceal his hatred and bitterness.
Although the beginning is a bit of a slow burn, you can tell it's building up to something big and it is engrossing enough to keep you interested right through to the end which is well worth the wait. Astrida Auza also does a great job as Dodd's wife. Although he paints her to be some sort of evil bitch, it's easy to empathize with her character and you can see her pain clearly.

I loved pretty much every aspect of FAMILIAR. The use of Dodd's inner monologue as a way to move the story along, the range of emotions it evokes, the cinematography, and the practical effects in the film's final minutes are fantastic. In fact the only part I didn't like was the short running time and by the time it finished I wanted more. I guess that's why I watched it again.


FAMILIAR has also rekindled my interest in short horror films and I plan on seeing Fatal Pictures' previous releases as soon as I can. And I look forward to seeing a feature length film in the near future. I strongly recommend everyone see this if they get the chance, it's well worth it.

Also, if you're a fan of Robert Nolan you might want to keep an eye out for another upcoming horror short THE PROSPECTOR'S CURSE

SKEW (2011) Review

Directed by: Sevé Schelenz

Starring: Rob Scattergood, Amber Lewis, Richard Olak

Reviewing an independent film is always a little different from reviewing a big budget Hollywood film. I usually tend to be a little lenient and take into consideration all of the financial and time constraints etc. But at the same time  I try not to be too soft, because since indie filmmakers are usually just starting out I think it's important that they are made aware of any weak points in their films which can be improved upon. These days anybody with a video camera and a bunch of friends can make their own film. The majority are absolute shit, but every now and then you stumble upon one which is just as entertaining and clever as any big budget blockbuster. After watching SKEW I think I can honestly say that it falls firmly in the second category.

SKEW is an independent psychological horror film from Canadian director Sevé Schelenz and it is his feature length directorial debut. It is shot in a POV / found-footage style and concerns three friends who on a road trip which turns bad. I know that found footage type movies have been popping up all over the place over the last few years and a lot of people are probably sick of them, but don't let that put you off. This entire movie is shown through the lens of a handheld camera but rather than just being a portal into the film, the video camera is actually an integral part of the storyline.


Simon, Eva and Richard are three friends who embark on what is apparently a long-awaited road trip. Richard (Olak) and Eva (Lewis) are obviously in a relationship while Simon (Scattergood) seems to be the third wheel as his girlfriend has refused to come on the trip with them. This is our first hint that there is trouble brewing. The trio travel the roads and highways, stopping at offbeat tourist attractions like the 'world's biggest chair' and 'world's biggest Viking head' and so on. Tho whole time Simon is videotaping absolutely everything. It turns out that Simon has a very personal reason for documenting everything but I'll leave that for you to find out yourself.  His constant filming however starts to get on Richard and Eva's nerves and things begin to get tense between the three friends. Things escalate even more when Simon realizes a terrible and fatal truth about the video camera. Simon's grip on reality seems to be slipping and the friends' relationship begins to decay further until finally ending in the brutal and shocking conclusion.


POV / found footage films have been done to death in recent years. Paranormal Activity, REC, Cloverfield, Apollo 18, The Devil Inside are just a few and there are a ton more in the pipeline. An interesting fact about SKEW though is that it was filmed in 2005, so it actually predates all of the movies I've just mentioned. While it's still not one of the originals of this sub-genre, at least it cannot be accused of trying to capitalize on the recent success of movies like PA and The Devil Inside. And it's a very original spin on the tired sub-genre. 
The acting is great, especially for a bunch of amateurs with hardly any other credits on their resumes. At times it was a little awkward but it's not distracting or annoying, and it definitely didn't detract from the movie overall.  The effects both practical and CGI are used sparingly and to good effect, although they do display the small budget fairly clearly.  As a horror film SKEW isn't really as scary as it is unsettling. There are only a couple of cheap jump-scares which are effective but as it is a psychological horror the movie does depend mostly on atmosphere and tension, both of which it does well.


All in all SKEW is a very entertaining and engaging film. It does have its flaws which include the beginning dragging on a bit slow, some awkward acting, a few scenes going on perhaps a little longer than they should and less than perfect effects but in the end most of these are easy to overlook, especially after you see the final scenes and ambiguous ending. SKEW is definitely worth your time.

COLD FISH (2011) Review

Directed by: Shion Sono

Starring: Mitsuru Fukikoshi, Denden, Megumi Kagurazaka

COLD FISH tells the story of two fish store owners who, apart from their occupations couldn't be any more different. Shamoto (Fukikoshi) is a timid man with a modest shop, recently re-married with a daughter from his first wife. Murata (Denden) on the other hand is a successful, loud and outgoing man who owns a store five times that of Shamoto's.
Shamoto is called into Murata's store after his daughter is caught shoplifting, but instead of contacting the authorities Murata decides to let her off and even offers her a job at the store. Murata 'befriends' Shamoto and even offers him a position as a business partner. On the surface Murata seems to be a genuinely nice and friendly guy but we soon discover that underneath he is a monster. Shamoto witnesses him murder another business partner after a misunderstanding and Murata forces him to help with the disposal of the body.
Murata brags about killing over 50 people (or 'making them invisible' as he says) and never being caught. Shamoto finds himself being pulled down into the other man's world of violence and murder and unable to escape due to threats against his wife and daughter. Will Shamoto find a way out? Or will Murata be successful in making him his 'apprentice'?

Once the main character witnesses the first murder things kick into gear and move along at a swift pace. During the rest of the film you will witness plenty of scenes of murder, abuse, rape, dismemberment, blood and guts but somehow all of this violence doesn't seem gratuitous at all, it feels needed. And by the end you'll realize that the movie isn't just about telling the story on which it is apparently based, but is also a look at more universal issues such as responsibility, abuse, dependency and family dysfunction. It touches on life, death, madness, anger and regret with a lot of pitch black humor laced throughout.

At just under two and a half hours COLD FISH is much too long and drawn out and could have been much more effective had that time been sliced almost in half. Fortunately the actors all do their jobs well so watching this isn't as tedious as you might imagine. Denden is especially good as the insane and over the top Murata.
This movie is not for everybody but if you like a lot of gore, realism, a well written story and a bit of social commentary then you'll definitely want to see COLD FISH.

THE INNKEEPERS (2011) Review

Directed by: Ti West

Starring: Sara Paxton, Pat Healey, Kelly McGillis

This movie confused the hell out of me. Since watching it I've read a whole bunch of positive reviews from all different people because honestly I don't see what the fucking point of this movie was and how anybody actually enjoyed it. And even after reading all of these reviews I still don't get it, they're all just as vague as the actual movie itself.

THE INNKEEPERS follows two employees at the supposedly haunted Yankee Pedlar Inn. The inn is just about to close down and these two friends Claire (Paxton) and Luke (Healey) are working the final weekend. With almost no residents staying at the inn, Claire and Luke decide to hunt for the ghost of a woman named Madeline O'Malley who supposedly died way back when.
With Luke feeding her descriptions of his own paranormal encounters, Claire is more than excited to find this ghost. After not much happens, there is finally some unexplained activity (voices and piano keys are heard) and eventually one of their few guests (who just happens to be a psychic) warns them not to go into the basement.
So of course Claire decides to go into the basement.

Now you would expect by this point in the film that some scary shit is going to go down. Up until this point THE INNKEEPERS has been slow and drawn out with it's character development, but it genuinely feels like it's building up to something big. But you'd be wrong.
Almost nothing happens in this movie and the things that do happen seemingly happen for no reason at all. No explanation is given for anything. Normally I don't have a problem with movies that leave some unanswered questions at the end, but this is taking it way too far. The entire movie is slow and vague and not scary at all. It's like they spent too much time concentrating on the characters joking and chatting and walking around that they just didn't leave enough time to resolve the whole ghost plot.
And I know that stupid characters seem to be an essential ingredient in most horror/thriller films but nobody is as stupid as Claire. She gets told not to go into the basement so she does and bad things happen. Later she is told by the same person to leave the building, so what does she do? Back down to the basement of course.

What the movie lacked in storyline it (almost) made up for in other areas. The entire film looked good, the inn was a great location, the acting was above average and the atmosphere created was actually not bad at all. Unfortunately though this wasn't enough to counter the lack of tension and numerous other problems.
The most disappointing thing for me is the fact that this could have made for a really good, slow burning, atmospheric horror flick. Instead it turned out to be an hour-and-a-half of nothing happening, and will probably appeal to fans of the Paranormal Activity franchise.

THE DARKEST HOUR 3D (2011) Review

Directed by: Chris Gorak

Starring: Emile Hirsch, Olivia Thirlby, Max Minghella

Well I can't say that I actually expected this to be a good movie after watching the trailer. However the current line-up at my local theatre is so bad that THE DARKEST HOUR 3D seemed to be the best choice. It was either this or Happy Feet 2, and now I'm thinking that it probably would have been a better idea to go see the latter instead.

And before I get to the actual review there's something I need to say. I have nothing against 3D movies. If people want to watch them that's fine, as long as people like me have the option of watching them in regular old 2D. Unfortunately the local theatre didn't offer that option.

A pair of software developers arrive in Moscow to pitch their newest idea which they're convinced will make them multi-millionaires. Unfortunately they are beaten by a rival who has stolen their idea and is pitching it himself just as they walk in. So they do the only sensible thing by going to some sort of trendy nightclub to drown their sorrows. They not only run into their software stealing friend Skyler, but also a couple of attractive girls. Maybe things are starting to look up! Or not. Suddenly the nightclub is plunged into darkness and everybody finds themselves outside. There is some strange sort of Aurora Borealis type phenomenon going on in the sky and strange orange balls of energy are drifting down to the ground. Everybody stands back except for one brave (or stupid) police officer who decides to get a little closer. He is instantly vaporized. Everybody runs around in a panic, and our main characters find themselves locked inside some kind of storeroom. After a week of waiting it's finally time for them to venture outside and see just what the fuck is really going on.

There are a couple of refreshing elements to this movie, namely the location and the enemy. Rather than being a familiar location such as NYC or Los Angeles or Tokyo the choice has been made to set this in Moscow, Russia. The aliens aren't something you normally see either, mainly because you hardly get to see them at all. They are invisible for the most part except for the brief orange flashes of energy they emit and the fact that anything electrical lights up like a Christmas tree if they go near it. This actually adds another little twist to the film in the form of night travel being safer than day travel.

So the movie isn't a complete piece of shit, but as far as the good points go I really can't think of anything else. Everything else was below average or just downright terrible. The script was ridiculous, the characters were idiots, the acting was sub-par and the CGI was made-for-TV quality. And of course the 3D aspect was pointless as usual. There were one or two scenes which incorporated 3D but other than that there was just no reason for it.

Save your money and avoid THE DARKEST HOUR. You could certainly do worse, but you could definitely do a hell of a lot better. 

And don't be fooled by Timur Bekmambetov's production credit.

HOSTEL: PART III (2011) Review

Directed by: Scott Spiegel

Starring: Kip Pardue, Thomas Kretschman, Brian Hallisay

There were three signs that told me this was going to be a terrible movie, and I ignored them all. I wish I hadn't.

First of all was the fact that Eli Roth was nowhere to be seen, and instead we have Scott Spiegel who's last attempt at a sequel gave us the terrible From Dusk Till Dawn 2: Texas Blood Money.

Then there is the location change. All of a sudden we're taken from a creepy little European town all the way over to the bright lights of Vegas? Why?

And then of course there's the fact that HOSTEL: PART III had no theatrical release and instead went straight to video.

A group of friends take a trip to Vegas to celebrate the impending marriage of one of them. After a big night out one of the friends goes missing and the others go looking for him. Soon enough they find themselves involved with the Elite Hunting Club who are hosting a new perverse game of torture.

The first Hostel may not have been the best movie out there, but at least it actually accomplished something. It carved out it's own little niche, and the term 'torture-porn' was coined because of it. The sequel was a nice, if unneeded follow up but this third entry is just horseshit.

I will admit though that there is a twist and it actually had me fooled for a second. I feel a little ashamed to say that, but it's true. Other than that though, this movie was as predictable and yawn-inducing as you can get.

The torture scenes are extremely tame and there is no tension or build-up at all. They just kind of happen. It's like Scott Spiegel didn't bother to watch the first two films and instead decided to make a child-friendly horror movie. Yes it really is that tame. 

And remember the really dark, gritty atmosphere from the first two movies? Well don't expect that here. The decision for this to take place in bright and shiny Las Vegas was a bad one.

There is really only one reason to watch a Hostel movie. The torture, gore and violence. Nobody watches them for their acting, storytelling or character development, they just want to see gratuitous violence. 

HOSTEL: PART III is nothing like the previous two films. It is boring, the acting and casting are awful, the FX are crap and pretty much everything else is just plain bad.  Don't even waste your time.

SECONDS APART (2011) Review

Directed by: Antonio Negret

Starring: Orlando Jones, Edmund Entin, Gary Entin

I've always found identical twins to be a little creepy. But add some psychic powers into the mix and they can be downright scary. This is the case in SECONDS APART.

Seth and Jonah are identical twins born just seconds apart. They both possess an amazing and dangerous ability. Telepathy. While working on a project, things begin to spiral out of control for the twins when their classmates start dying in mysterious circumstances, and one especially sharp and intuitive cop suspects them. The pressure from the police officer and the addition of a love interest finally gets too much and the twins find themselves fighting against each other.

When it comes to movies involving telepathic abilities, the odds always seem very unbalanced and this is why the characters with these abilities have to have some sort of limitations. In this case the full power of their telepathy can only be brought forth when the twins are together. When pressure and jealousy divides these two boys, that is when things start falling apart.
The story isn't very original. Mysterious deaths and a smart cop hot on the trail of the killers, but still I thought this movie was a great attempt at a telepathic horror film. In fact I don't think I've enjoyed one of these telepathic horrors this much since I first saw Carrie.
One of my favorite aspects was the decision to use real twins in the lead roles, rather than a single actor playing two separate characters. This allows a wider variety of camera shots and scene construction. And the twins actually did a pretty decent job too.

The movie starts out with a bit of excitement and holds your attention pretty well for the first portion, but then it sort of slows down a bit in the middle. Thankfully toward the end it picks up again and it finishes with a great twist. There aren't any really scares or shocks here, it's more of a thriller/mystery but it does a better than decent job and it is certainly something worth watching.

FINAL DESTINATION 5 (2011) Review

Directed by: Steven Quale

Starring: Nicholas D'Agosto, Emma Bell, Miles Fisher, Tony Todd

I'm not ashamed to say that I love the FINAL DESTINATION franchise. I guess it's one of my guilty pleasures. I know that they are all basically the same movie with different characters and different death scenes, but I just find them so enjoyable and satisfying. So obviously I was really looking forward to the fifth installation, although I wasn't too keen on the 3D aspect. Luckily I had a chance to see it in regular old 2D, and I loved it.

I guess I don't really need to go into too much detail about the story because as I said they all have the same basic plot. Every movies starts off with somebody having a vision, which then leads to themselves and their friends avoiding a huge disaster. In this case it's a bridge collapse while a group of colleagues are taking a trip to a business retreat. The remainder of the movie then follows these survivors as they try (and usually fail) to survive. Death doesn't like being cheated.
In this case however, the storyline is given a bit of a twist when these survivors realise that they can save themselves by killing somebody else in their place.

FINAL DESTINATION 5 was obviously made for 3D. There are things constantly flying toward the camera, but even watching it in 2D was fine for me. The acting is what you'd expect, not great but not too bad to frustrate or piss you off. The death scenes are over the top of course and somewhat unbelievable but there are plenty off inventive uses of environment as always and a few suspenseful moments where you expect something to happen but it doesn't. But the one part of this movie that made it (for me at least) the best of the franchise was the ending. It's clever, unexpected and cool how it brings the whole franchise full circle. I hope that's not too much of a spoiler..

Anyway. FINAL DESTINATION 5 is exactly what you'd expect, nothing more, nothing less. If you're a fan of the previous instalments then you will enjoy this. If you haven't liked any of the other films then you will probably want to stay away.

SNOWTOWN (2011) Review

Directed by: Justin Kurzel
Starring: Lucas Pittaway, Daniel Henshall, Louise Harris

I actually saw this movie way back in May when it first came out in theatres here in Australia, but for some strange reason I have neglected to post a review of it yet. Since I'm trying to cram in as many more 2011 reviews before the end of the year I thought now is as good a time as any. Fortunately this isn't the kind of film which is easily forgotten.

In case you're not familiar with the true story on which this is based, I will briefly fill you in. On the 20th of May 1999, eight bodies were found in barrels of acid inside a disused bank building in Snowtown, South Australia. This eventually led to the discovery of a further four bodies and the subsequent arrest and conviction of four people for their part in the murders. This movie tells the story of how the bodies ended up there.
But it tells so much more than just that.

Sixteen-year-old Jamie lives with his mother, Elizabeth, and two younger brothers, Alex and Nicholas, in a housing trust home in Adelaide's northern suburbs. Their home is but one of many sun-starved houses crammed together to cater for a disenfranchised society. Jamie longs for an escape from the violence and hopelessness that surrounds him and his salvation arrives in the form of John, a charismatic man who unexpectedly comes to his aid. As John spends more and more time with Jamie's family, Elizabeth and her boys begin to experience a stability and sense of family that they have never known. John moves from the role of Jamie's protector to that of a mentor, indoctrinating Jamie into his world, a world brimming with bigotry, righteousness and malice. Like a son mimicking his father, Jamie soon begins to take on some of John's traits and beliefs as he spends more and more time with him and his select group of friends.  (IMDb)


I can honestly say that SNOWTOWN is the most powerful and disturbing film I have seen all year. It will either have you totally immersed and riveted to your seat, or you will find yourself walking out of the theatre (as many did). The violent scenes are few and far between, but when they happen they are gruesome and hit with the force of a sledgehammer. But the violence is not the aspect which has the most impact. It is the relationship between Jamie Vlassakis (Pittaway) and John Bunting (Henshall) which at first starts off very paternal and friendly before growing darkly sinister and twisted. Bunting slowly leads Jamie into his world of bigotry and righteousness before revealing his homicidal plans. Jamie then finds himself struggling with Bunting's ideals (which seem to have some kind of a moral base) and his own conscience.


SNOWTOWN is beautifully shot, perfectly written and every single actor plays their part perfectly. What's extraordinary is that almost all of the cast were effectively taken off the street with no prior acting experience. And amazingly this is director Justin Kurzel's debut feature film.
There is no doubt that this movie will have some kind of impact on every one of its viewers and will stay lodged in your mind long after it has been seen. This is both a recommendation and a warning.

A HORRIBLE WAY TO DIE (2011) Review

Directed by: Adam Wingard

Starring: AJ Bowen, Amy Seimetz, Joe Swanberg

A HORRIBLE WAY TO DIE may sound like a cheesy slasher flick or an over the top torture movie, but I can assure you that it is miles away from either. Instead you will find yourself descending into a lonely, cold and desperate character piece with a dynamic presentation and a simple but incredibly well executed story.

Two main stories make up the bulk of the film, with a third being the glue which binds them together. First we have the story of Garrick Turrel, a prolific serial killer who has just escaped police custody and continues his murder spree as he makes his way through back-roads and lonely highways to his ex-girlfriend.
Next we have Sarah's story. Sarah is Garrick's ex whom after ending their relationship is trying to get on with her life as best she can. She regularly attends AA meetings to help cope with her alcoholism, and it is at these meetings that she meets and begins a relationship with the kindhearted Kevin.
Thirdly is the area in between. Every now and then we see flashbacks of Sarah's life with Garrick and we find out why Sarah is so screwed up.
I won't say anymore, because honestly I think the less you know bout the movie, the better.

At first I found the story a little confusing and difficult to follow, because it chops and changes between current happenings and flashbacks so often and sometimes seamlessly. But eventually I settled into a groove and it all went pretty smoothly after that.
Obviously the movie has put style above substance when it comes to the more violent scenes, with most murders actually happening off screen. But I actually felt that this worked well and fit in with the whole mood of the film. And speaking of style, the camera work is one aspect of this movie which will definitely divide viewers. You'll love it or hate it, there really is no middle ground. I personally loved it. It's deliberately shaky and often moves in and out of focus, and for the most part it seems as though a stranger is filming these characters from outside a window or behind the bushes. It is intimate yet somehow detached at the same time. I thought it worked extremely well, but I know a lot of people will find it terrible.
Still on the subject of style I have to comment on the sound and color grading, both of which I loved and both of which fit the whole desolate mood perfectly.

All of the actors played their parts perfectly. AJ Bowen was especially great as Garrick, and the contrast between the scenes of his sinister side and his more loving side while with Sarah is both frightening and powerful. Amy Seimetz and Joe Swanberg as Sarah and Kevin were also great, and their more personal intimate scenes were very organic and believable.

If you're looking for a lazy horror film which requires zero thinking and unfolds effortlessly before you, then look elsewhere. But if you want a dark and disturbing thriller which will challenge you and leave you feeling satisfied then I highly recommend this.