GIRLS GONE DEAD (2012) Review

Directed by: Michael Hoffman Jr., Aaron T. Wells
Starring: Jerry Lawler, Katie Peterson, Ryan Keely, 

I was always taught that I should "never judge a book by it's cover" but if there's any book (or in this case movie) which proves that you shouldn't always follow that rule, then it's GIRLS GONE DEAD. Everything is right there on the poster art. The title for starters, the half naked women, the bloody axe, and just check out the cast. Ron Jeremy? Ryan Keely? Anybody who has seen porn knows that pornstars can't act. They can fuck well, but they can't act for shit.

So take all of that information and put it all together and what do you expect this movie to be like? Well if you came to the same conclusion as me you would be expecting a terrible slasher film with horrible acting, lots of titties and underwater shots of girls, some really bad pop punk music and a predictable story. If that's what you're expecting then you are spot on. Which raises another question, why the hell did I decide to watch this if I knew it would be that terrible? I guess the only explanation is that I had nothing else to watch. Looking back though I would have preferred watching nothing over this crap.

Rebecca (Peterson) is a nice wholesome Christian girl with a strict Christian mother. Rebecca is about to spend her first spring break at a seaside holiday home with some of her female friends, but obviously her mother doesn't want her to go. It might have something to do with the fact that Girls Unlimited (read: Girls Gone Wild) is unfolding just down the road at Daytona Beach. The girls spend their time drinking, swimming and flirting with some guys, and basically just chilling out.
But the fun is soon cut short when somebody dressed as a monk and carrying a war-axe begins slaughtering people one by one.

GIRLS GONE WILD is one of those movies which has decided to try its hand at looking like a B-movie without actually being one. But it just ends up annoying, predictable, riddled with clichés and stupid.
It also seems like it's trying to be a comedy but the comedy here is really weak and not clever at all, and instead of focusing on the slasher angle (which would have been marginally better) they've added in a bunch of nudity, blonde bimbos, pornstars and cameos as if that will make up for everything else. But cameos and titties aren't enough to save this movie from itself. Did I mention how predictable it is? You can literally tell who the killer is the first time you see them on screen. The filmmakers have even taken away the whodunnit angle, as though they think their viewers needed everything explained to them.
Tear out your brain and you could quite possibly enjoy this over-exaggerated, stupid, clichéd, predictable piece of trash. 

1 comment:

  1. No, it definitely wasn't scary, but it was occasionally funny and most certainly watchable. Not high praise, to be sure, but how good could a movie with this title possibly be?

    As for nudity (the main reason most guys will watch this film), 5 of the 6 female friends get topless, but the views are brief, the tits are generally on the small side, and Katie Peterson unfortunately does not show off her chest meat. A few other ladies get briefly naked as well, but the actual amount of screen time dedicated to boobies is rather slight.

    Now you all know.